1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 497 of 830
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9921
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    Never buy a train set on ebay when you are drunk....

    please log in to view this image
     
    #9922
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2020
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9923
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9924
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9925
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9926
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    Apart from "Fine" and "Okay" what other death threats do women use?........
     
    #9927
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    Whats the first sign of madness?

    Seeing Suggs coming up your drive!......
     
    #9928
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9929
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9930
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    These are genuine clips from Council Complaint letters :-

    1 ) My bush is really overgrown round the front , and my back passage has fungus growing in it ...
    2 ) He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore ...
    3 ) ... it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow ...
    4 ) I want some repairs done to my cooker , as it has backfired and burnt my knob off ...
    5 ) I wish to complain that
    my father hurt his ankle very badly , then he put his foot in the large hole in his back passage ...
    6 )...And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence ...
    7 ) I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof ...
    I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off ...
    8 ) My lavatory seat is cracked , where do I stand .. ?
    9 ) I am writing on behalf of my sink , which is coming away from the wall ...
    10 ) Will you please send someone to mend the garden path ...! ?
    My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday , and now she is pregnant ...
    11 ) I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen ...
    12 ) 50% of the walls are damp , 50% have crumbling plaster , and 50% are plain filthy ...
    13 ) I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers ...
    14 ) The toilet is blocked , and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared ...
    15 ) Will you please send a man to look at my water ; it is a funny colour , and not fit to drink ...
    16 ) Our lavatory seat is broken in half , and is now in three pieces ...
    17 ) I want to complain about the farmer across the road ;
    every morning at 6am , his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me ...
    18 ) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden , which is unsightly and dangerous ...
    19 ) Our kitchen floor is damp ... We have two children and would like a third , so please send someone round to do something about it ...
    20 ) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night ...
    21) Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife ...
    22 ) I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times , but I still have no satisfaction ...
    23 ) This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken , and we can't get BBC2 ...
     
    #9931
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 22, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    Breaking News:

    The whole of Cornwall has been placed into tier 4 lockdown after hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.

    Apparently the Arrrrr rate has increased dramatically.
     
    #9932
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 22, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9933
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9934
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9935
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9936
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9937
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9938
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    A drunk goes into a bar. "Drinks for everyone, and one for you too." he says to the bartender. The bartender serves everyone, including himself. "That'll be £76, please." I don't have any money." says the drunk. The bartender takes him outside and beats him up.
    The next day the drunk comes back. "Drinks for everyone, including the bartender." The bartender thinks to himself, he wouldn't be so stupid to do the same thing again - he must have money this time, so he serves the drinks. But when he asks him to pay, the drunk tells him that he doesn't have any money again. The bartender takes him outside and gives him a savage beating.
    The next night, the same drunk comes in and tells the bartender to get a drink for everyone. "And not one for me tonight?" asks the bartender. "Nah," says the drunk. "You get violent when you drink."
     
    #9939
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 24, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,470
    Likes Received:
    294,473
    A Jewish girl flagged down a cab after drunken night out in town. All too late she realised the driver was heading in the wrong direction, & was driving down a dark country lane into the woods.
    He stopped the car, then jumped in the back seat, pulling at the girls clothes frantically.
    "Stop, stop!" she screamed.
    "Don't worry love, I just want a bit of fun, I ain't going to hurt you" he explained.
    "No, it's not that, could you turn the meter off first?" she replied.
     
    #9940
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 24, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
Page 497 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

Share This Page