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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9661
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 13, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9662
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 13, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9663
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 13, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I hate people who bang on about their phobias.

    I've got a fear of heights but I don't shout it from the rooftops.......
     
    #9664
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 14, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9665
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 14, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9666
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 14, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9667
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 14, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was telling my neighbour that during lockdown my wife and I took up woodwork...

    I didn't know you were carpenters replied the neighbour....

    Well I said, we've only just begun...
     
    #9668
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 14, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9669
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 14, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9670
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 15, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9671
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 15, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  12. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    There’s something rising but it’s not the sun.
     
    #9672
    Didley Squat, Oct 15, 2020
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9673
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 15, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    When we bought our home, the estate agent thought it would be nice to send flowers for the occasion.
    They did arrive but the card said,
    “Rest in Peace”.
    I was angry and called the florist to complain.
    When I told them, the florist said.
    “Oh sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new home”.
     
    #9674
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 15, 2020
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Took my stupid dog to the vets yesterday.

    Daft sod ate a load of Christmas tree lights he had found.

    When the vet made a fuss of him, his little face lit up.
     
    #9675
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 15, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9676
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 16, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #9677
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 16, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My Grandma is 96 years old and still doesn't need glasses.

    She drinks straight from the bottle....
     
    #9678
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 16, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
    Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
    "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
    "OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
    "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
    "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s*it?"
     
    #9679
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2020
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 17, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9680
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 17, 2020
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Page 484 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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