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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9521
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9522
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9523
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9524
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9525
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9526
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.

  7. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-9-24_13-21-55.jpeg
     
    #9527
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 24, 2020
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  8. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-9-24_16-7-50.jpeg
     
    #9528
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 24, 2020
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Choosing a wife
    A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
    The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
    The man was impressed.
    The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
    Again, the man is impressed.
    The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
    Obviously, the man was impressed.
    The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
    Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
     
    #9529
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  10. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #9530
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 24, 2020
    San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and Wooperts_duck like this.
  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
    One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.
    Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."
    Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
    Man: "It's been 10 years!"
    With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.
    Man: "Thank you so much!"
    Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"
    Man: "It's been 10 years!"
    The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of 12 year old malt whisky and gives the man a drink.
    Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
    Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"
    Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"
     
    #9531
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9532
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9533
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I was out with two mates in a pub the other night when a few big bruisers started mouthing off at us.

    My mate said “pretend we’re the police”

    I’d only got half way through the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the sh!t out of us.
     
    #9534
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9535
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  16. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #9536
    Taffvalerowdy, Sep 25, 2020
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    What's brown and sits on the piano ?

    Beethoven's last movement........
     
    #9537
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9538
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9539
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #9540
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
Page 477 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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