The barnsley joke page

A Mexican guy comes riding up to the border on his bicycle with two big sacks over his shoulders.
He tells the border guard that the sacks are full of sand, but the guard doesn’t believe him.
The guard detains the guy, and rips open the bags, but there’s nothing but sand.
He even has the sand analyzed, only to find that it really is just sand. And the sack is just a plain sack. <br>
Two days later, the same thing happens. And then it happens again, two days after that. Every time, that guy is on the bike carrying nothing but sand.
This goes on for seven years. It drives the border guard crazy. He loses his job because of it.
One day, he tracks the Mexican guy down and says to him, “I’m no longer a border guard, but I gotta know- what is it that you’re smuggling? Because I know you’re smuggling something.”
The bicycle guy smiles at him and says, “Bicycles, sucker.”

 

What is the French term for blue balls?
Sack Le Bleu

 

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A man checks into his hotel on a business trip and, feeling a bit lonely, he thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.
He looked in a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Eroveronique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture!
He copied the phone number and returned to his hotelm when back in the room he figures, what the heck, give her a call.
'Hello,' the woman says......... God, she sounded sexy.
'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you.
I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now.
Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?'
She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.

 

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What's the difference between a set of bagpipes and an onion?
No-one cries when you chop up the bagpipes!

 

Take your bloody mask off then.

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