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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An Irish daughter had not been home for over ten years: Upon her return, her father yelled at her, "Where have ye been all this time?
    Why did ye not write to us?
    Not even a line.
    Why didn't ye call?
    Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"
    The girl, crying, replied. (Sniff, sniff) "Dad, I was too embarrassed, I became a prostitute!"
    "Ye what?
    Get out of here, ye shameless hussy!
    Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family, so yer are."
    "OK, Daddy, as ye wish.
    I just came back to give Mammy this luxurious fur coat, a title deed to a eight bedroom mansion plus a $5 million check.
    For me little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex.
    And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the Limerick Country Club.
    She takes a breath and continues and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Caribbean!"
    "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" Says Daddy.
    Girl, crying again says. (Sniff, sniff) "A prostitute Daddy!"
    "Oh Be Jesus!
    Ye scared me half to death girl.

    I thought ye said a PROTESTANT.
     
    #9221
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was watching an Australian cookery show and the audience clapped when the chef made pavlova.

    I was surprised, as Australians normally boo meringue.
     
    #9222
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9223
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

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    #9224
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

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    #9225
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
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  6. Wooperts_duck

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    #9226
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

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    #9227
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

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    #9228
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to a conference on Alopecia last week, where I told an inappropriate joke.

    Luckily, it didn’t raise any eyebrows.
     
    #9229
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
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  10. Wooperts_duck

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    #9230
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
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  11. Wooperts_duck

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    One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
    Bob’s wife, a stunning blonde, goes out and moves her car.
    A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
    Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.
    The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park…” then the electric power goes out.
    Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face, she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplow can get through?”
    With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time....?”
     
    #9231
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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    #9232
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
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    #9233
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
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  14. Wooperts_duck

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    #9234
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #9235
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #9236
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

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    60 yrs ago 20 white men chasing a black man was called the Ku-Klux-klan.

    Today we call it Formula 1.
     
    #9237
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #9238
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #9239
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    #9240
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 9, 2020
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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