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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary.

    We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.
     
    #8961
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 29, 2020
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty.

    And as I looked at all this I thought.......I must put a roof on this toilet.
     
    #8962
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2020
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 29, 2020
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said:

    'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'
     
    #8963
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 29, 2020
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #8964
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 29, 2020
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Do the French eat snails because they don't like fast food?
     
    #8965
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 29, 2020
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  6. Wooperts_duck

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    #8966
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 29, 2020
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  7. Wooperts_duck

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    #8967
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 29, 2020
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  8. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    What’s black & white ..... and red and sits in a gum tree?

    A magpie with a fat.
     
    #8968
    Didley Squat, Jun 30, 2020
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8969
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2020
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  10. Wooperts_duck

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    #8970
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2020
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  11. Wooperts_duck

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    #8971
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2020
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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    #8972
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2020
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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #8973
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2020
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  14. Wooperts_duck

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    A man told the doctor : "My wife's pregnant, but we haven't
    had sex in over a year. I don't understand it." The doctor said : "It's what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy."
    “What's a grudge pregnancy?" asked the man.
    The doctor replied : "Well, somebody's obviously had it in
    for you....
     
    #8974
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2020
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #8975
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 1, 2020
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to a meeting of the World Wildlife Fund

    The attempt at social distancing was Pandamonium....
     
    #8976
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 2, 2020
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #8977
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 2, 2020
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    One lovely day, two tourists were driving through Wales.
    At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”
    The girl leaned over and said:

    “Burrr… gurrr… King.”
     
    #8978
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 2, 2020
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I feel like I'm on the way to kicking my obsession with forestry, but my psychiatrist says I'm not out of the woods yet.
     
    #8979
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 2, 2020
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Buckingham Palace have advertised for a gas engineer who can also walk the dogs...

    Must be corgi registered.
     
    #8980
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 2, 2020
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Page 449 of 836
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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