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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 448 of 836
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8941
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2020
    Taffvalerowdy, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-6-27_20-25-53.jpeg
     
    #8942
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 27, 2020
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8943
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2020
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Life was so simple before I got married.

    I had absolutely no idea there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge...
     
    #8944
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2020
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I've just released my own fragrance.

    But nobody on this bus seems to like it....
     
    #8945
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2020
    Taffvalerowdy, Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf

    I haven't heard from him since.
     
    #8946
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2020
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital to have a dangerous

    mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging one of those again!
     
    #8947
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2020
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and kiwiqpr like this.
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #8948
    kiwiqpr, Jun 28, 2020
    San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My ex girlfriend had a fantastic set of tits!. However one was bigger than the other. She wasn't really that self conscious until she entered a wet t shirt contest and came 1st and 3rd!!..
     
    #8949
    kiwiqpr, Jun 28, 2020
    San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #8950
    kiwiqpr, Jun 28, 2020
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Wooperts_duck like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Manchester police stopped 100 Liverpool fans with flares outside Old Trafford this morning.

    Turned out they were the same flares they were wearing the last time they won the League.......
     
    #8951
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2020
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and BluefromBridgend like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis!"

    I replied, "That's 15 love!"
     
    #8952
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2020
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife wants to divorce me on the grounds of impotence.

    But I said it wouldn’t stand up in court.....
     
    #8953
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2020
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    We went to see a spiritual healer last night ......

    What a load of rubbish, even the guy in the wheelchair got up and walked out!
     
    #8954
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2020
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I used to date a dyslexic woman.

    I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.
     
    #8955
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2020
    San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  16. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #8956
    Taffvalerowdy, Jun 29, 2020
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  17. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    Back in the sixties Liverpool FC approached actor, Yul Bryner, to advertise a brand of cologne for them, but he turned them down because, as we all know, Yul never wore cologne !
     
    #8957
    Gordon Armstrong, Jun 29, 2020
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
    Father: Really, what?
    Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
     
    #8958
    kiwiqpr, Jun 29, 2020
    San Diego likes this.
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #8959
    kiwiqpr, Jun 29, 2020
    San Diego likes this.
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Three men were patiently waiting in line to get into heaven.
    When they finally got to Saint Peter, the angel said to them: "We're only admitting one out of every three souls right now due to overcrowding. Whoever has the most tragic death of you three will be getting in today."

    Saint Peter turns to the first man and asks him how he got here.
    The man replies, "For a few months I've had suspicions that my wife has been cheating on me. So I took the afternoon off to try and catch her in the act. When I got home she was laying in bed naked, so I looked all around our third story apartment. The bastard wasn't anywhere to be found until I saw him hanging naked from the balcony railing! At this point I lost all control and started banging on his fingers until he fell. The lucky bastard landed in a bush and didn't die so I unplugged the fridge and pushed it over the railing to finish the job. When I calmed down I realized what I had done and took my own life due to guilt. Now here I am."

    Saint Peter says "Tragic indeed, although you shouldn't take the lord's judgment into your own hands" before asking the second man his story.

    The second man regales: "I had just gotten home from work and since it was such a nice day I decided to do my exercise on my balcony. Because I don't have any neighbors and I'm up high enough I like to exercise in the nude. I was just about done when I slipped on a jogging weight and tumbled over the railing. Luckily I caught myself on the balcony below me, and was about to start calling for help when a man comes out and starts screaming at me and smashing my fingers until I let go. Even more luck, I landed in a bush and didn't die. But before I could crawl out of the tangle I remember looking up, and a refrigerator was the last thing I saw before coming here."

    Saint Peter is shocked over the story, saying "Oh you poor man, a case if mistaken identity gone horribly wrong." He then turns to the third man for the final story.

    The man replies: "Okay. Picture me sitting naked, in a refrigerator..."
     
    #8960
    kiwiqpr, Jun 29, 2020
    San Diego and BluefromBridgend like this.
Page 448 of 836
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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