Me: “I get no support from my wife, even when doing the crossword”. Therapist: “I hope you don't get too down”. Me: “Fu*king hell not you as well?”
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease? It makes cows go completely insane!". The other cow replies "Good thing I'm a helicopter".