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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?

    Your pupils. They dilate.
     
    #8621
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday.

    It was the least I could do for him.
     
    #8622
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I Just called the tinnitus hotline.

    It didn’t stop ringing.
     
    #8623
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A pack of geese is a gaggle

    But a pack of camels is why my dad never came back.
     
    #8624
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

    Sincerely,

    Your Internet Provider
     
    #8625
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl.

    Then she noticed me so we went for a run.
     
    #8626
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    What’s the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

    I wouldn’t know, I’m just the drone operator.
     
    #8627
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.

    Until she checked the freezer.
     
    #8628
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Do you know what DNA stands for?

    National Dyslexic Association
     
    #8629
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    How does every racist joke start?

    With a look over your shoulder.
     
    #8630
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  11. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-5-21_19-31-59.jpeg
     
    #8631
    Taffvalerowdy, May 21, 2020
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8632
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2020
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8633
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2020
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8634
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2020
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8635
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2020
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
    No one moved.
    The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
    Again, all was quiet.
    Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.
    Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
    I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
    The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
     
    #8636
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2020
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8637
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2020
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If everybody scrapped their cars it would get rid of this Car Owner Virus!
     
    #8638
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2020
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can’t always trust Google Maps.
     
    #8639
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2020
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8640
    Wooperts_duck, May 22, 2020
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Page 432 of 837
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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