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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Einstein finally finished his theory of relativity... It’s about time!
     
    #8601
    kiwiqpr, May 20, 2020
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    What can coronavirus do that the United States government can’t?

    Stop school shootings.
     
    #8602
    kiwiqpr, May 20, 2020
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

    Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.
     
    #8603
    kiwiqpr, May 20, 2020
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    One time I debated a flat earthier.

    He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth just to prove me wrong.
    He’ll come around eventually
     
    #8604
    kiwiqpr, May 20, 2020
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I j‌‌ust d‌‌iscovered t‌‌hat t‌‌he w‌‌ord “‌‌nothing” i‌‌s a‌‌ p‌‌alindrome…

    Backwards i‌‌t s‌‌pells “‌‌gnihton”, w‌‌hich a‌‌lso m‌‌eans n‌‌othing.
     
    #8605
    kiwiqpr, May 20, 2020
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A fortune teller told me I’d suffer awful heart break in 12 years.

    To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
     
    #8606
    kiwiqpr, May 20, 2020
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing

    It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
     
    #8607
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My professor accused me of plagiarizing

    His words, not mine.
     
    #8608
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I recently swapped all the labels on my wife’s spice rack, she hasn’t noticed yet

    But the thyme is cumin.
     
    #8609
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men.

    We’re losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing.
     
    #8610
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.

    She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
     
    #8611
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I guess China finally got what they wanted

    They managed to coronise the world.
     
    #8612
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer

    Wait.

    Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
     
    #8613
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!”

    “I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”
     
    #8614
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    The word ‘Diputseromneve’ may look ridiculous,

    But backwards it’s even more stupid.
     
    #8615
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My wife and I share a sense of humor.

    We have to. She doesn’t have one.
     
    #8616
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

    I know he means well.
     
    #8617
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I thought I won an argument with my wife about how to rearrange our furniture, but when I got home, the tables were turned
     
    #8618
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

    Re-morse code.
     
    #8619
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?”

    “Pop”, goes the weasel.
     
    #8620
    kiwiqpr, May 21, 2020
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Page 431 of 837
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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