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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I left work late last night.

    As I locked up the doors, I turned around and saw a giant apple turnover just lying in the street.

    Just down the road, there was a huge bowl of jelly and on the street corner there was a two story Chocolate sundae.

    I thought to myself, "the streets are strangely desserted tonight".
     
    #8341
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 15, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8342
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 15, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I'm new at this fishing lark. Do I really have to keep maggots in my mouth?

    I await your answers with bated breath!
     
    #8343
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 15, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I spoke to Elvis about morrisons, sainsburys, Tescos, and Aldi.

    It was a lidl less conversation.
     
    #8344
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 15, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Taffvalerowdy and 2 others like this.
  5. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    93479175_644395629750526_4738271752751153152_n.jpg
     
    #8345
    Gordon Armstrong, Apr 16, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 3 others like this.
  6. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #8346
    Gordon Armstrong, Apr 16, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 3 others like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8347
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Taffvalerowdy and 2 others like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8348
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Taffvalerowdy and 2 others like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8349
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Taffvalerowdy and 2 others like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8350
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 16, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.

  11. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #8351
    Gordon Armstrong, Apr 17, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, kiwiqpr and 4 others like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8352
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  13. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-4-17_20-19-45.jpeg
     
    #8353
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 17, 2020
    San Diego, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    "I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes, but that’s Heinz sight."
     
    #8354
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8355
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8356
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #8357
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 17, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  18. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    #8358
    Didley Squat, Apr 18, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 2 others like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    GOVERNMENT NOTICE

    . Due to the current financial situation caused by the Virus and slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

    · This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

    · Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

    · Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

    · A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

    · Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

    · Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

    · Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of **** they give our citizens.

    · Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.

    Sincerely,

    The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

    PS - Due to the Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
     
    #8359
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    West Ham Utd have offered to reserve 1500 seats each home game next season for NHS workers ........

    A spokesman for the NHS said have these people not suffered enough already ?
     
    #8360
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 18, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, BluefromBridgend and 1 other person like this.
Page 418 of 838
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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