1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7261
    BluefromBridgend and San Diego like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7262
    San Diego likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7263
    San Diego likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7264
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7265
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7266
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7267
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7268
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7269
    Taffvalerowdy, kiwiqpr and San Diego like this.
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,223
    Likes Received:
    214,695
    Dianne Abbott hasn't taken the news of her son very well ,
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7270
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,223
    Likes Received:
    214,695
    Cow Economics
    SOCIALISM
    You have 2 cows.
    You give one to your neighbour.
    COMMUNISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and gives you some milk.
    FASCISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and sells you some milk.
    NAZISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both and shoots you.
    BUREAUCRATISM
    You have 2 cows.
    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…
    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income.
    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes.
    The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
    Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
    ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
    You have two cows.
    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
    The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
    The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
    You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
    No balance sheet provided with the release.
    The public then buys your bull.
    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
    A GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
    You decide to have lunch.
    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
    You charge the owners for storing them.
    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them.
    You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.
    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
    You tell them that you have none.
    No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
    You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….
    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    The one on the left looks very attractive.
    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows you name them Abbot and sturgeon
    Both are mad.
     
    #7271
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,223
    Likes Received:
    214,695
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7272
    Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,223
    Likes Received:
    214,695
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7273
  14. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    125,909
    Likes Received:
    224,122
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    #7275
    San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7276
    San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7277
    San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    125,909
    Likes Received:
    224,122
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #7279
    San Diego likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    Police are hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed 6 people.

    They believe he could be following some kind of pattern.
     
    #7280
    San Diego likes this.

Share This Page