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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #7101
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 13, 2019
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    #7102
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 13, 2019
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    #7103
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 13, 2019
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    #7104
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  5. Wooperts_duck

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    #7105
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 14, 2019
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  6. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says: “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
    Long
    Larry replies: “God and I are close. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

    “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

    A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

    “Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

    “Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s pissing in the fridge again!”
     
    #7106
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 15, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

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    #7107
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2019
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    #7108
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2019
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    #7109
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2019
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    #7110
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

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    #7111
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2019
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    #7112
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 16, 2019
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    #7113
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 17, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

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    Bargains like this don't come along every day!

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    #7114
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 17, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #7115
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 17, 2019
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    #7116
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #7117
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 17, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #7118
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 17, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    A Golfing Nun…

    A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a
    chair.

    She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

    'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior.
    'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'

    'It was,' sighed the Sister.

    'And I went to play golf with my brother.We try to play golf as often
    as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted
    my life to Christ.'

    'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed.
    'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'

    'Far from it,' snorted the Sister.

    'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'

    'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished.
    'you must tell me all about it!'

    'Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother.
    540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green...and I
    hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.

    And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...
    and it hits a bird in mid-flight!'

    'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother.

    'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme,
    Sister!'

    'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister.

    'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel
    runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'

    'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.

    'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister.

    'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether
    this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs
    the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'

    'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.

    'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because
    as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started
    struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and
    the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from
    the cup!'

    Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her
    chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

    'You missed the fxxxxxg putt, didn't you?'
     
    #7119
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 17, 2019
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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    #7120
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 17, 2019
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Page 356 of 748
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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