1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 284 of 836
  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    117,148
    Likes Received:
    235,913
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5661
    kiwiqpr, Mar 11, 2019
    Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    117,148
    Likes Received:
    235,913
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5662
    kiwiqpr, Mar 11, 2019
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    117,148
    Likes Received:
    235,913
    A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
     
    #5663
    kiwiqpr, Mar 11, 2019
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    117,148
    Likes Received:
    235,913
    This guy thought he had the greatest tattoo ever. Until he went to prison.
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5664
    kiwiqpr, Mar 11, 2019
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    Just been to see the worst faith healer I've ever seen

    A bloke in a wheelchair even got up and walked out.........
     
    #5665
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 11, 2019
    San Diego likes this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
     
    #5666
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 11, 2019
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5667
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 11, 2019
    kiwiqpr and San Diego like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image


    As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

    I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

    I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

    The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

    And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

    As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

    Apparently, I’m still lost…
     
    #5668
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 11, 2019
    San Diego likes this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5669
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 12, 2019
    kiwiqpr and San Diego like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    Wanna know secret on how to make a woman go mmmmmmmmm all night?
    ...................

    ...................

    ...................


    Duct tape
     
    #5670
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 12, 2019
    kiwiqpr and San Diego like this.

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    117,148
    Likes Received:
    235,913
    I remember pretending to be asleep so my parents would carry me to bed and they’d say: “You’re a middle aged man, we’re pensioners, you don’t even live here, go home.”
     
    #5671
    kiwiqpr, Mar 14, 2019
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    117,148
    Likes Received:
    235,913
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5672
    kiwiqpr, Mar 14, 2019
    Didley Squat, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5673
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 14, 2019
    Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5674
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 14, 2019
    Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5675
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 14, 2019
    Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5676
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 14, 2019
    Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5677
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 14, 2019
    San Diego likes this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5678
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 14, 2019
    Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5679
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 14, 2019
    Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    161,756
    Likes Received:
    299,603
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5680
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 14, 2019
    mustyfrog, Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
Page 284 of 836
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

Share This Page