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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5641
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 8, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Well, who'd have thought that Paris St Germain would leave Europe before the UK?
     
    #5642
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 8, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5643
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 9, 2019
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5644
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 9, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Wooperts_duck, Mar 9, 2019
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  6. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
    The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
    A reporter has observed the whole scene and, addressing the biker, says "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
    "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt was right."
    "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?"
    "A Harley Davidson."
    The journalist leaves.
    The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

    Biker Gang Member Assaults African Immigrant And Steals His Lunch
     
    #5646
    mustyfrog, Mar 9, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

    The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Kentucky) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.

    The Kentuckian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. ''Trust me,' said the doctor.

    So, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! "1" "2" "3" “4” "5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

    This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, and all of Washington DC.
     
    #5647
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 9, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Two welsh supporters, Dai and Evan went to Twickenham to watch the game, after the match they got separated, Dai got lost and found himself wandering round Soho, a lady of the night asked him what he was doing, Dai replied “I’m looking for Evan” the lady lifted her dress and said “here you go lover, here’s heaven”, Dai said “oh no, Evan is a much bigger c*#t than that.
     
    #5648
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 9, 2019
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Wetherspoons toilets.......

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    #5649
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 9, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5650
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 9, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5651
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 9, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Paddy takes his son to the zoo. When they get to the elephants the zoo keeper said, this elephant can tell how old you are with one look.

    Paddy's son shouts, "how old am I ?" The elephant stamps his foot 6 times. Wow says Paddy that's right my boy is 6.

    Paddy shouts to the elephant, "How old am I ? The elephant farts and stamps his foot twice. "Be Jesus" says Paddy, "He's right, I'm Farty two"...
     
    #5652
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 10, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #5653
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 10, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5654
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 10, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #5655
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 10, 2019
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5656
    kiwiqpr, Mar 11, 2019
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5657
    kiwiqpr, Mar 11, 2019
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5658
    kiwiqpr, Mar 11, 2019
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5659
    kiwiqpr, Mar 11, 2019
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5660
    kiwiqpr, Mar 11, 2019
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Page 283 of 836
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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