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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5621
    kiwiqpr, Mar 4, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • If the answer is "Cock Robin!".... what is the question:-

    • What's that you've got up my arse Batman?
     
    #5622
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 4, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A woman was breast feeding her baby, when she noticed the window cleaner watching her. Indignantly, she said, "what do you think you"re staring at?"
    • He replied, apologetically, "when I was a baby, I was bottle fed so I was just fascinated."
    • The woman says, "well, baby"s had enough but there"s some left if you want to find out what it"s like."
    • The window cleaner climbed in through the window and started to feed.
    • After a short time, the woman realised that she was becoming aroused and she asked, "would you like a little bit of some thing else?"
    • He replied, "have you got a rusk?"
     
    #5623
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 4, 2019
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5624
    kiwiqpr, Mar 4, 2019
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5625
    kiwiqpr, Mar 4, 2019
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5626
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 4, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5627
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 4, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5628
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 4, 2019
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5629
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 4, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
    His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
    "Well that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more
    Cadillac STS in the garage, and no more country club, and we'll have to sell the 26-‐room house and move to two smaller homes, but the decision is yours."
    Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. "Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife.
    "That's his mistress," says her husband. The wife replies, "Ours is prettier."
     
    #5630
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 5, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5631
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 5, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5632
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 5, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5633
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 6, 2019
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it, then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.
     
    #5634
    kiwiqpr, Mar 6, 2019
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    An English
    prisoner of war was held by
    the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over
    the place, and okay
    until one day when the German told him,
    "Englander,your arm is
    infected with gangrene vee must cut it off."

    The English prisoner
    said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over
    England when you go
    bombing?"

    The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."


    A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to
    cut
    his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it
    over
    England like you did last time?"

    "Ya, that vill be done,"
    says the German.

    The next day the German tells him that they
    have to cut his leg off.
    Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you
    do the same as before?"

    The German replies, "Vhy, ya."


    The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well,"

    begins the Brit, "could you just..."

    The German snapped
    , "No! We think you are trying to escape!"
     
    #5635
    kiwiqpr, Mar 6, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    We cleared out my gran's flat this morning ..
    Sorted out the good stuff and put it on eBay and then went to the estate agents to put her flat on the market.

    She'll be well peed off when she gets back from bingo
     
    #5636
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 6, 2019
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5637
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 6, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5638
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 6, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5639
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 7, 2019
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5640
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 8, 2019
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Page 282 of 836
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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