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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5601
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 28, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5602
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 28, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • What do you use to blindfold a Chinese person?

    • Dental floss.
     
    #5603
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 1, 2019
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Wooperts_duck, Mar 1, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    WARNING!! SCAM ALERT

    Keep an eye out for these two women. They're hanging around in and around Dunnes stores on the Childers Road Limerick and when you are putting your bags into the car they approach you asking for a lift to Chicken hut.
    These girls are very convincing and quite attractive!
    Once in your car one of them takes her clothes off while getting on top of you to distract you while the other takes your wallet.
    I've had my wallet stolen now on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th, twice yesterday and probably two more times tomorrow.

    Dunnes have wallets for sale for €3.99 but I've found some in Penny's for only €1.49 so have bought 4. Also, you never actually make it to Chicken hut so I've also lost 11lbs

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    #5605
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 1, 2019
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5606
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 1, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5607
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 2, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5608
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 2, 2019
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My son said, "Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?"
    I said, "I was 18. I walked into a bar and spotted the
    most gorgeous blonde I'd ever seen.
    Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."
    He said, "WOW…So what happened?"
    I said, "Nothing son. Unfortunately the arrow missed
    and hit your f*cking Mother."
     
    #5609
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 2, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5610
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 2, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5611
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 2, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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    #5612
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 3, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5613
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 3, 2019
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning
    the union of the bride and groom. It was
    their time to stand up and talk, or forever
    hold their peace. The moment of utter
    silence was broken by a young beautiful
    woman carrying a child. She started
    walking toward the pastor slowly.
    Everything quickly turned to chaos.
    The bride slapped the groom.
    The groom's mother fainted.
    The groomsmen started giving each
    other looks and wondering how best
    to help save the situation.

    The pastor asked the woman,
    "Can you tell us why you came forward?
    What do you have to say?"



    The woman replied,
    "We can't hear in the back."
     
    #5614
    kiwiqpr, Mar 3, 2019
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Three psychiatrist are talking. . .
    Three psychiatrist are talking about how everyone comes to them with their problems but they have no one to go to with their problems. They agree to share their problems with each other.
    The first psychiatrist says, “I’m addicted to Barbiturates. I write myself prescriptions all the time.”
    The second psychiatrist says, “I’m a compulsive gambler. I overcharge my patients to pay for my gambling addiction.”

    The third psychiatrist says, “I can’t keep a secret. My patients tell me their secrets in confidence and I divulge it to everyone.”
     
    #5615
    kiwiqpr, Mar 3, 2019
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5616
    kiwiqpr, Mar 3, 2019
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5617
    kiwiqpr, Mar 3, 2019
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My wife phoned me, panting and breathless.
    "Where are you?" she moaned.
    "I'm at the pub." I replied.
    She said, "I think the baby's coming!"
    I said, "She won't get in,... she's under-age.!!
     
    #5618
    kiwiqpr, Mar 3, 2019
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5619
    kiwiqpr, Mar 3, 2019
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5620
    kiwiqpr, Mar 4, 2019
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Page 281 of 836
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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