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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    A blonde was trying to sell her old car.She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.
    One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
    "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car."
    "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."
    The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
    "No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
     
    #5441
    mustyfrog, Jan 28, 2019
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  2. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    A man living in a nudist camp gets a letter from his mother requesting that he send her a photo of himself. Unfortunately, the only pictures he has are ones in which he is wearing no clothes. So he cuts a snapshot in half, and then sends the photo showing him from the waist up to his mother.

    His mother is so pleased with the picture that she asks him to send one to his grandmother. The man thinks to himself, “Grandma’s eyesight is so bad these days; I’ll send her the bottom half.”

    A week later he receives a letter from his grandmother. In the letter she writes, “I liked your picture, but your new hairstyle makes your nose look too long.”
     
    #5442
    mustyfrog, Jan 28, 2019
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5443
    kiwiqpr, Jan 28, 2019
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Two great signings for Liverpool in the transfer window - a Japanese international and an Italian international. ‬

    ‪Nickamotor and Robatelli
     
    #5444
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 28, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A huge thank you to one of my neighbours for allowing me to borrow her large sheet of plastic covering...



    Ta Pauline!
     
    #5445
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 28, 2019
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Packed in my job at the sewage treatment works today.

    To be honest, I was just going through the motions.......
     
    #5446
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 29, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5447
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 30, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Make your friends think you’re off on holiday......

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    #5448
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 30, 2019
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5449
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 30, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The rain was pouring down. And there standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub, was an old man, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.

    A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"

    "Fishing" replied the old man.

    Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, "Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me."

    In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman cannot resist asking,
    "So how many have you caught today?"

    "You're the eighth" says the old man.
     
    #5450
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 1, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Me and my son waiting for the wife to get ready...

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    #5451
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 1, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An Indian chief married three squaws, he gave each their own tepee, and a brand new marital bed. The first bed, was made of deer hide, the second of buffalo hide, the third made of hippopotamus hide. 9 months later the squaw whose bed was made of deer hide, gave birth to a baby boy, the squaw whose was made of buffalo hide gave birth to a baby girl. The squaw whose bed was made of hippopotamus hide, gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl.

    Which seems to prove Pythagoras, the squaw on the the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides...
     
    #5452
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 1, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5453
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5454
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 6, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5455
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 6, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I've just put all my dogging equipment up for sale on eBay...

    Haven't had any bids so far but there are 12 people watching!........
     
    #5456
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 7, 2019
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5457
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 7, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5458
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 7, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5459
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 7, 2019
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5460
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 7, 2019
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Page 273 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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