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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    When I was growing up, we were so poor my mum bought my clothes from an army and navy shop.

    I went to school dressed as a Japanese admiral.
     
    #5421
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 23, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A Brummie walks into a tailors and says: “Alroit, mate. I’d like a 70s suit, please.”

    The tailor says: “Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?”

    Brummie says: “Thanks mate, two sugars"
     
    #5422
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 23, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #5423
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 23, 2019
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5424
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 24, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported....we don't have Oleg to stand on.....
     
    #5425
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 24, 2019
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  6. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    When l was growing up, we were so poor that if l didn't wake up with an erection each morning..... l'd have nothing to play with for the rest of the day!
     
    #5426
    Didley Squat, Jan 24, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5427
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 26, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.

    Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire, and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
     
    #5428
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 26, 2019
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My mate told me a snooker ball in a sock is a brilliant weapon if you get into a fight.

    Not really, I couldn't even walk properly.
     
    #5429
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 26, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Thinking of changing my home phone number - must be nearly the same as the Meteriological office.

    Some guy keeps ringing up and asking my wife if the coast is clear.
     
    #5430
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My teacher told me I'd be no good at poetry due to my dyslexia, but so far I've made three jugs and a vase.
     
    #5431
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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  12. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
    So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
    Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
    I said, "$200.00 and it's yours."
     
    #5432
    mustyfrog, Jan 27, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5433
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5434
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Some thieving swine has stolen my tools from my van and I need to go to work tonight.

    Has anyone got a crowbar, a hoodie, ski mask, gloves and a hold-all or back-pack I can borrow?
     
    #5435
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5436
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5437
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    SAD NEWS

    The inventor of the Thesaurus has died..... passed away........snuffed it...... kicked the bucket..... shuffled off this mortal coil........ ceased to be,........ expired....... is no more.
     
    #5438
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Sound needed !!
     
    #5439
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I just met a Chinese guy who refuses to go to funerals !

    ....unbereavable !
     
    #5440
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 27, 2019
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Page 272 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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