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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    • Think it"s fantastic how the Chinese can now say they've sent an astronaut into space.

    • He's been officially named as Moon-Lan-Din.
     
    #5281
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 27, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5282
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 27, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5283
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 27, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    • My wife has started visiting a new hairdressers run by a Geordie girl.
    • Today my wife asked for a "perm".
    • The Geordie girl started, "I wandered lonely as a cloud..."
     
    #5284
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5285
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5287
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5288
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2018
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5289
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Me to Doctor: I’ve hurt my penis in a surfing accident...

    Doctor: Did you fall off your board...

    Me: No, I slammed my laptop shut when the wife walked in...
     
    #5290
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    • The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme.

    • They sent me Diana Ross
     
    #5291
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    • Q: How do cancel an appointment in the sperm bank?

    • A: Just call them and say you can't come.
     
    #5292
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5293
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5294
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Jacqueline and her husband Mark went for counselling.
    When asked to describe her problems, Jacqueline went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 30 years they had been together.
    She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unfulfilled needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
    Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Jacqueline to stand, tore open her blouse with buttons flying everywhere, ripped her Bra off, starts tongue kissing while he embraces her, then puts his hands on her breasts fondled them, and kissed them passionately. A side glance at her husband he then puts his hand up her skirt rips her G-String off and fondles her wildly while her husband Mark watched with a raised eyebrows and mouth wide open.
    Jacqueline flushed, try’s to cover herself with the torn blouse, and quietly sat down as though in a total daze.
    The therapist turned to Mark and said, now do you understand? 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week! Can you do this?'
    Mark thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.
     
    #5295
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.

    Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"
    Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oooooooohhh God, mine does!!!"
     
    #5296
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5297
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I missed the World hairdressing championships on BBC 1 last night .

    Does anyone know if they're showing highlights ?
     
    #5298
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    The police stopped my car
    “Do the letters H.S. mean anything to you?” they asked.
    “No’’.
    “What about W.D. then?”
    “No, means nothing to me.” I said.
    “How about F.J.?”
    “Am I suspected of something? What’s this about?”
    ‘’Just initial inquiries, Sir”
     
    #5299
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5300
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2018
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Page 265 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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