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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    There was bad news this week as I was forced to shut down my dating agency for chickens.

    I was struggling to make hens meet......
     
    #5101
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I hear that HMV are closing their classical music stores... apparently too many people get their Chopin online.
     
    #5102
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 29, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5103
    kiwiqpr, Nov 30, 2018
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    ixty year old John went on to his annual checkup. The doctor asked him if he was still getting up in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom.

    He replied, "Yes But the lord has made it much better for me, He turns on the light when I go and He turns off the light when I am done".

    The doctor replied, "Really"!!!

    About and hour after that the doctor called Johns wife and said: He looks fine. But he said that God is making it better for him, when he gets up and Goes to the bathroom during the night God turns on and off the light.

    She replied, "that old fool he has been going to the bathroom in the refrigerator again
     
    #5104
    kiwiqpr, Nov 30, 2018
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5105
    kiwiqpr, Nov 30, 2018
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5106
    kiwiqpr, Nov 30, 2018
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5107
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 30, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5108
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 30, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Me and the missus' favourite sexual position is called ''Liverpool in Europe''.

    Neither of us know what we're doing or why we're there, there's no passion, no communication, and we never make it past the first stage, there's horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.

    It's over far too quickly and when it does end I know it'll be at least another f*cking year before it happens again!
     
    #5109
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 30, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5110
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5111
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My boss said to me “Why do you come out in a rash when l pay you your wages?”

    I said “It’s because I’m allergic to peanuts.”
     
    #5112
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5113
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5114
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
    "Of course you may. What can I do for you?" "Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

    "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

    When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

    The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

    Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."
     
    #5115
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2018
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5116
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5117
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5118
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5119
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 2, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5120
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 2, 2018
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Page 256 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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