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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4921
  2. Wooperts_duck

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    #4922
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4923
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Kids today don't know how easy they have it.

    When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
     
    #4924
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4925
    San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I see that the Spice Girls are playing The Stadium of Light next year.

    You'd have to fancy them to come away with all three points.
     
    #4926
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A Chinese man goes for a job on a building site. "Can you lay bricks? " asks the foreman " No" " Can you plaster?""No""Can you paint?" "No" The foreman is a bit exasperated by this but says " OK you can work on supplies"

    Three months later the foreman is walking round the site. "Has anyone seen that Chinaman we took on a few months ago?" he asks. Just then the Chinaman jumps out from behind some boxes and shout " Suplise!"
     
    #4927
    San Diego likes this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4928
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  9. Wooperts_duck

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    #4929
    San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

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    #4930
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  11. Wooperts_duck

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    #4931
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4933
    San Diego likes this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

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    #4934
    Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A brand new car is being launched in Portugal, which includes space in the boot for a child.

    It's called the Renault McCann....
     
    #4935
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Fool the neighbours into thinking you're giving your wife an orgasm by flushing the downstairs toilet while she's in the shower.
     
    #4936
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
    The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
    The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
    The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
    The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."
     
    #4937
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Spice Girls looking good, and all ready to tour.....

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    #4938
  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #4939
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    IRISH CATHOLIC CONFESSION

    'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.'

    The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

    Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'

    ...This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?'

    'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

    'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.;

    At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

    The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear.

    The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?'

    The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,....'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'
     
    #4940
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