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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My kids came back from Trick or Treating with a sofa and 2 armchairs.

    I was furious, I've told them a million times not to accept suites from strangers
     
    #4901
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 5, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4902
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 5, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4903
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 5, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

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    #4904
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 5, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4905
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 5, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4906
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 5, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

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    #4907
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 6, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

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    #4908
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 6, 2018
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  9. Wooperts_duck

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    #4909
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 6, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4910
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 6, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A woman was dating a doctor. In the weeks that followed, she learned that she is pregnant. About nine months later, just about the time she is scheduled to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

    The doctor dating the woman says, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

    "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says.

    So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes up to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".

    "You gave birth to a child!" "But that's impossible!" says the priest.

    "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."

    About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."

    The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."
     
    #4911
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 6, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A recent survey says that the first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss.

    This is very true. I still remember mine, an old banger that stank of piss. Can't think what the car was though!
     
    #4912
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 6, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #4913
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 6, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

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    #4914
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 6, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #4915
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 6, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #4916
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 7, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    I bought myself a pair of Tortoise skin shoes today

    It took me 2 hours to walk out of the shop.
     
    #4917
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 7, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    Zookeeper says to Paddy "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £500?" Paddy replies "I will on 3 conditions:

    1. I'm not gonna kiss it.
    2. My family must never know.
    3. I'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together!"
     
    #4918
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 7, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #4919
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 7, 2018
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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    #4920
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 7, 2018
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Page 246 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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