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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4161
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 3, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4162
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 3, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4163
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 3, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4164
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 3, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4165
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 3, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4166
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 3, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4167
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 3, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4168
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 4, 2018
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4169
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 4, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Someone has just stolen a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line.

    She's not bothered about the pants, she just needs the twelve pegs back.
     
    #4170
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 4, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The missus thinks I'm a right nosey b*stard...


    I wish she'd tell me to my face rather than writing it in her diary!
     
    #4171
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"
     
    #4172
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Sinéad O'Connor has offered to sing the Prince classic at Barry Chuckle's funeral.

    Nothing Compares 2 me 2 you.
     
    #4173
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Jimmy went out shoe shopping with his girlfriend. He asked her, "Which ones do you want?" She told him, "Jimmy Choos"

    So he said, "Alright, we'll get the f*cking cheap ones!"
     
    #4174
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    There's 3 guarantees in life:

    1. Death.
    2. Taxes.
    3. A 3 mile walk to a Wetherspoons toilet......
     
    #4175
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man is stuck in traffic on the Hume Highway at Bass Hill.
    He asked a Police officer about the delay, as he is walking from car to car, speaking with each driver.
    The Policeman says, “There are three Immigrants blocking the traffic and threatening to douse themselves with petrol and set themselves on fire if we don’t get them airline tickets to the Middle East .
    So we’re taking up a collection for them".
    The Man replies “How much have you got so far?”
    The Policeman responds, “About 60 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning.
     
    #4176
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4177
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4178
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was kneeling at the graveside earlier, crying my eyes out. "Why did you have to die", i cried. "Life will never be the same again, everything is one big horrible mess since you died".

    A passing priest heard my cries. "Its ok my son", he said as he placed a hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me.

    "God only takes the best. Tell me my child, was is it your wife who passed away". "No Father", i replied. "Her first husband" !!!
     
    #4179
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2018
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4180
    kiwiqpr, Aug 6, 2018
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Page 209 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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