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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4041
    kiwiqpr, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4042
    kiwiqpr, Jul 20, 2018
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4043
    kiwiqpr, Jul 20, 2018
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4044
    kiwiqpr, Jul 20, 2018
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4045
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Spare a thought for poor old Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair.
    After arriving in a hotel in Manchester, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.
    The barman nodded and said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."
    Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
    "Well, we do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday from 6 pm until 8 pm. We have the cheapest beer in England".
    "That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
    "I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be £3 please."
    O'Leary scowled, but paid up.
    He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you £1."
    "I think you may be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please".
    Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in, he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".
    "I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of £4 for your seat sir".
    O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another £3."
    O'Leary was so incensed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".
    "I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be £2 please."
    O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?"
    "Of course I do Mr. O'Leary."
    "I've had enough! What sort of a Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"
    "Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only £1 per second, or part thereof".
    "I will never use this bar again".
    "OK sir, but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."
     
    #4046
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.

  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4047
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4048
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    • Saw an article in a woman"s magazine titled "All Men Are Liars".

    • Which was strange because it was right next to an advert for Wonderbra.
     
    #4049
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4050
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4051
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4052
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4053
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4054
    kiwiqpr, Jul 22, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Wooperts_duck like this.
  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4055
    kiwiqpr, Jul 23, 2018
    San Diego, Wooperts_duck and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Some Egyptian bloke just pulled up in a BMW, beeped his horn and bared his naked arse out of the window.

    Bloody toot and car moon!
     
    #4056
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 23, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    If you leave a child in your car during this hot weather please ensure a window is open so they can at least have a ***.
     
    #4057
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 23, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4058
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2018
    Makemstine Roger and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Last night I watched the Dutch version of University Challenge.

    It was called Clever Clogs.
     
    #4059
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4060
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
Page 203 of 835
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