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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one, the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

    A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite,"

    The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!
     
    #3801
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 22, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3802
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 22, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3803
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 22, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3804
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 22, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3805
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 22, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St. Andrews for many years.

    Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
    Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do? The 3 of them decide to go without Jack.
    Two days later, the three get to St. Andrews and, to their surprise, Jack is sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!

    "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

    "Well, I've been here since last night," says Jack. "Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.

    She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. It turns out she's been reading '50 Shades of Grey'.

    So on the bed she has handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
    And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

    So....... Here I am!
     
    #3806
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 22, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I’ve finally opened
    The last door on my
    Diane Abbot advent calendar.
     
    #3807
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 22, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3808
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 22, 2018
    kiwiqpr, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3809
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 22, 2018
    kiwiqpr, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Watching the World Cup and this idiot decides to advertise my Wi-Fi password!

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    #3810
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 23, 2018
    San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3811
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 23, 2018
    San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

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    #3812
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 23, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #3813
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 23, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

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    #3814
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 23, 2018
    kiwiqpr, Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3815
    kiwiqpr, Jun 24, 2018
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #3816
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 24, 2018
    San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • What do you call a Muslim having trouble breathing ?

    • Asma Attaq
     
    #3817
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 24, 2018
    San Diego, kiwiqpr and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • The mating call of a Robin:
    • "Tweet tweet chirrup."

    • The mating call of an Owl:
    • "A twit to woo. A twit to woo."

    • The mating call of a Blackbird:
    • "Ohh, stick it up anywhere Leroy!"
     
    #3818
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 24, 2018
    San Diego, kiwiqpr and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #3819
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 24, 2018
    San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Doctors have told me I only have 6 months to live, 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
     
    #3820
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 24, 2018
    San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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