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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Irish government has advised local councils to save money on lollipop men and women by moving all the schools over to the other side of the road........
     
    #3401
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3402
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Cigarettes and alcohol have warning labels on them because they are addictive, dangerous and destroy lives.

    And yet women are just allowed to roam about freely!
     
    #3403
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 30, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Winston meets Chalky dressed to the nines one morning. Sunday best, bling, big cigar. The whole nine yards.

    'Mon!' Exclaims Winston. 'Whatchoo doin' swaggerin' around aaaal dressed up like dis?'

    'I's been to see Docta,' Beamed Chalky. 'Docta say, I is Im-po-tant'.

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    #3404
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 30, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3405
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 30, 2018
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3406
    kiwiqpr, Mar 30, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3407
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party.

    So I invited a couple of her friends over and made them clean the house.
     
    #3408
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 31, 2018
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • I got a sweater for Christmas.

    • I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
     
    #3409
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 4, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3410
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 4, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3411
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 4, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Paddy says to Mick, "I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.

    3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.

    2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.

    Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.

    Mick asks, "So what are you going to do this year?"

    Paddy replies, "I'll take her with me."
     
    #3412
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 4, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Still think I should've gone for a white shower head........

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    #3413
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 4, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Thousands of people have gathered outside Nelson Mandela house after the death of his wife.

    Delboy and Rodney have told them all to f*ck off!
     
    #3414
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 4, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The crime rate is so bad in Liverpool, that last week a bank robber was mugged on the way back to his getaway car!
     
    #3415
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 4, 2018
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3416
    kiwiqpr, Apr 6, 2018
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Congratulations to our Agent of the Month.
    Thank you for your services, Agent @jeremycorbyn.
    You had 'em going.
     
    #3417
    kiwiqpr, Apr 6, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A bloke bought a new Lexus and returned the next day complaining that the radio didn"t work.
    • The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated."Watch this!" he said..."Nelson!"
    • The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued....and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.
    • He drove away happy and, for the next few days, every time he"d say,"Beethoven", he"d get beautiful classical music,
    • If he said, "Beatles!" he"d get one of their massive hits.... and so on.
    • He was so pleased and impressed with his car.
    • One day, a carload of teenagers ran a red light and nearly creamed his new car, but he swerved in time to avoid them.
    • "ASSHOLES!" he yelled..... and The French National Anthem began to play.
     
    #3418
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 6, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3419
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 6, 2018
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3420
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 6, 2018
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Page 171 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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