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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3221
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 26, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3222
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 26, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3223
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 26, 2018
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  4. San Diego

    San Diego Sir Mediator
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    ben.jpg
     
    #3224
    San Diego, Feb 27, 2018
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    "not now, mate"
     
    #3225
    kiwiqpr, Feb 27, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3226
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 27, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3227
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 27, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3228
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 27, 2018
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3229
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 27, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Two Feet of snow in Barnsley........

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    #3230
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 27, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    All I heard in my house this morning was, "Yeeeeees! It's snowing, I don't have to go to school! I can stay at home and watch TV all day."

    I wish my wife would take teaching more seriously.
     
    #3231
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 28, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to the zoo the other day. As i was walking around I saw a baguette in a cage.

    I asked the zookeeper what it was and he said "bread in captivity".......
     
    #3232
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 28, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    In light of the recent events in Korea, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
    The English are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Korea and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
    The Scots have raised their threat level from "**** Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!" and "The Barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
     
    #3233
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 28, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3234
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 28, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3235
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 28, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3236
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 28, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A tramp walks into a jewellers, puts his hands down his trousers and starts fingering his arsehole.
    • The sales assistant shouts at him "Stop what you're doing and get out!"
    • The tramp says "You want to make your f*cking minds up, you've a sign on the window says come inside and pick your ring in comfort."
     
    #3237
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 28, 2018
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3238
    kiwiqpr, Mar 1, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #3239
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 1, 2018
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I only popped to Sainsbury's !

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    #3240
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 1, 2018
Page 162 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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