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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3041
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 1, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3042
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 1, 2018
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    formula 1s new grid girls

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    #3043
    kiwiqpr, Feb 1, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A blonde was recently hired at an office.
    • Her first task was to go out for coffee.
    • Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
    • She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
    • She asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"
    • The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
    • "Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."
     
    #3044
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 2, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Time to start eating healthy again as I let myself slip over Christmas and New Year. So for breakfast today I had an egg with soldiers.

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    #3045
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 2, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • Marys lamb had foot and mouth
    • Her cow had B.S.E.
    • But Mary was a kinky slut
    • And gave them H.I.V.
     
    #3046
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 2, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3047
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 3, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife says she’s leaving me as she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.

    What f*cking planet is she on?
     
    #3048
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 3, 2018
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3049
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3050
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3051
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3052
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • This is apparently a true story...
    • A British Airways 747 was making its approach to Heathrow Airport when the pilot came over the intercom and said: "If you look out of the left hand windows of the plane, you will see Windsor Castle, one of Englands most historic and beautiful landmarks".
    • At which point, an American tourist pipes up: "Gee, what a silly place to build a castle, right underneath a busy flight path".
     
    #3053
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • Father Norton woke up to a beautiful and sunny Sunday morning and decided that it was too good to waste indoors; he simply had to play golf.
    • Pretending to be unwell, he convinced the associate pastor to say Mass for him that day, before heading out of town to a golf course about 40 miles away so he wouldn"t run into anyone from his parish.
    • On the first tee, he looked around and saw that he had the entire course to himself. Everyone else was in church!
    • Watching this from the heavens, Saint Peter lean't over to the Lord and asked, "Are you going to let him get away with this?"
    • Just then, Father Norton hit the ball and it headed straight for the pin, dropped just short, before rolling up and falling into the hole - a 420 yard hole in one!
    • Astonished, St. Peter looked to the Lord and asks, "Why in Heaven did you let him do that?!"
    • The Lord smiled and replied, "Who"s he going to tell?"
     
    #3054
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3055
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 4, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    FOUND IT !!

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    #3056
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 5, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3057
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 5, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3058
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 5, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got caught speeding yesterday.

    The policeman asked me to step out of the car and walk in a straight line.

    Half way down he stopped me and said, "I"m sorry sir, but you"ll have to come back to the station with me as you"re staggering."

    I replied, "Oohh, you little tiger, you"re not so bad looking yourself."
     
    #3059
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 6, 2018
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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    #3060
    Wooperts_duck, Feb 6, 2018
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Page 153 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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