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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • How do you make a chav take off his socks?

    • Ask him to count to twenty.
     
    #2981
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 20, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • I went to my local supermarket and they offered me a "bag for life"

    • I said "No thanks, I"m already married."
     
    #2982
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 20, 2018
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  3. Wooperts_duck

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    #2983
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 20, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

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    #2984
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 20, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

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    #2985
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 20, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2986
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 20, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    ATTENTION: A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2018 FA Cup Final, both box seats. He paid £2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...

    ...it's at St Paul's Church, Peterborough at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.
     
    #2987
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 20, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    "Sorry I'm late home," I said as I arrived back from work.

    "Some bloke had lost a £20 note in Tesco."

    "Were you helping him look for it?" Asked my wife.

    "No, I was standing on it." I said.
     
    #2988
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 20, 2018
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • I bought my new car stereo today, it"s voice activated.
    • If I shout "country" it plays Dolly Parton, if I shout "rock" it plays Guns and Roses.
    • I was driving through town the other day when some children ran out in front of me,
    • I shouted "F*CKING KIDS!" and it played Michael Jackson.
     
    #2989
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A young lad was racing down a one way road when he was pulled for speeding.
    • As the policeman approached he realised the young man was singing:"21 today, 21 today!"
    • The policeman said, "Oh, it"s your birthday. I"ll let you off then"
    • As the young man sped off he ran over a paki."22 today, 22 today!".
     
    #2990
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

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    #2991
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2018
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    #2992
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

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    #2993
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2018
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    #2994
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2018
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    #2995
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2018
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    QUEEN Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
    Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity".
    The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
    The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go in".
    Dolly is outraged and asked,"What was that all about, I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me"?
    "Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are".
     
    #2996
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I've just noticed that the BBC hospital series Casualty is up to series 30, and to keep it true to life, some of the patients from series 1 are just being seen.
     
    #2997
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #2998
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 23, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #2999
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 23, 2018
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    #3000
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 23, 2018
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Page 150 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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