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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2801
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 8, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2802
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 8, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2803
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 8, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A defendant was on trial for murder in Philadelphia.
    There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
    In the defense"s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.
    "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
    He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
    Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
    The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
    A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
    "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." Answered the jury foreman:
    "Oh, we did look. But your client didn't."
     
    #2804
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and kiwiqpr like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If a long condom goes on a long prick and a short condom goes on a short prick, what do you put on a thick prick?

    A Liverpool shirt.
     
    #2805
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2017
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2806
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and kiwiqpr like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2807
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and kiwiqpr like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2808
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and kiwiqpr like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    We were so poor growing up that Ker-Plunk was just a game to see who had the loudest s*it when it dropped into the toilet.
     
    #2809
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2017
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    When I was growing up in the 1970's it was perfectly acceptable for a teenage boy to fiddle with a tranny under the bedsheets at night.
     
    #2810
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2017
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    He's early driving home for Christmas!

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    #2811
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 9, 2017
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Santa arrives at the Calais child migrant's Christmas party.
     
    #2812
    kiwiqpr, Dec 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2813
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2814
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2815
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2816
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2017
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    What is the difference between Liverpool and a jar of flowers?

    You can see a jar of flowers on top of a table.
     
    #2817
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A woman walks into a gynecologist"s office for an exam.
    She gets on the stirrups and the doctor says,
    "You have a really huge pussy. You have a really huge pussy."
    The woman replies, "You didn"t have to say it twice."
    The doctor says, "I didn"t."
     
    #2818
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that "God would make her better."

    Presumably, that"s a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.
     
    #2819
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
    Pull out the pin and throw it back.
    What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
    Run like fcuk she has a grenade in her hand.
     
    #2820
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
Page 141 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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