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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2761
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 30, 2017
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2762
    kiwiqpr, Dec 1, 2017
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    West Ham's formation for the Man City game this weekend.

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    #2763
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2017
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2764
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2017
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So, the Movember Moustache will finally be shaven off at midnight thank God.

    I'm so happy, my wife was starting to look like Tom Selleck.
     
    #2765
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2017
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon and they sent me a Two Ronnie's DVD.
     
    #2766
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2017
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2767
    kiwiqpr, Dec 4, 2017
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2768
    kiwiqpr, Dec 5, 2017
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2769
    kiwiqpr, Dec 5, 2017
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Things you can get away with saying only at Christmas.

    1. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

    2. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

    3. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

    4. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

    5. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

    6. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

    7. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

    8. You still have a little bit on your chin.

    9. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

    10. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning
     
    #2770
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2771
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2772
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2773
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • My parents hated me as a child.
    • One Christmas I opened my present to find an empty shoe box.
    • They told me it was an action man deserter.
     
    #2774
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2775
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2776
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2777
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Americans have George Bush, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder...

    We have Phillip Hammond, No Cash, No Hope and No Fcuking Wonder..
     
    #2778
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.
    It"s a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
    Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie"s lips.
    "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
    "I am Pierre, the famous French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!"
    She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
    Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
    "Pierre! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Marie.
    "I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"
    They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"
    Our hero, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
    Marie shrieks and dives into the river.
    Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, what in the hell do you think you"re doing?"
    Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot!
    When I go down, I go down in flames!"
     
    #2779
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man is sitting on a plane waiting to get served for drinks but he notices that the refreshments cart seems to have stopped well in front of him.
    He looks to the front of the plane where all of the air hostesses seem to be running around after one of the passengers who is bossing them around.
    When he looks closer, he notices that the passenger is a very rude parrot. "Get me a whiskey now bitch!" screamed the parrot, and she hurried off rather nervously to get it.
    "Get me some peanuts you whore!" he screamed to another girl, and again in fear of the horrible parrot she rushed off to get some.
    The man thought to himself that if he tried the same approach as the parrot then he might get served.
    The next time an air hostess walked past the man shouted, "Hey slag! Get me a beer!"
    The air hostess instantly burst into tears and ran to the front of the plane and into the cockpit.
    A few minutes later the co-pilot and several air hostesses walked back out of the cockpit, grabbed the man and the parrot and threw them out of the plane.
    As they began falling towards earth the parrot turned to the nervous looking man and said,
    "well, you"re a cheeky f*cker for someone who can"t fly!"
     
    #2780
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2017
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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