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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #2541
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 27, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    • Johnny had a swearing problem and his father was getting tired of it.
    • He decided to ask a shrink what to do.
    • The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him and if Johnny swore he should leave a pile of dog s*it in place of the gift.
    • So two days before Christmas Johnny"s dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a fcuking teddy-bear laying right fcuking here beside me when I fcuking wake-up Christmas morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a fcuking train going around the fcuking tree, and when I go outside I want to see a fcuking bike leaning up against the fcuking garage."
    • On Christmas morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog sh*it.
    • Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog s*it around the Christmas tree.
    • Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog s*it by the garage.
    • When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked,
    • "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?" Johnny replied,
    • "I think I got a fcuking dog but I can"t find the bastard
     
    #2542
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 27, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #2543
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 27, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #2544
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 27, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #2545
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 27, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #2546
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 28, 2017
    kiwiqpr, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.

  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    If you're having a bad day just loosen the salt pot lid at the table next to you in a café.

    Watch with joy as the person who sits there has a much worse day than you.
     
    #2547
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 28, 2017
    Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Whilst we get an extra hours sleep on Sunday, spare a thought for the National Trust Volunteers who work tirelessly through the night to move the stones back 1 hour at various stone circles around the country side. This is done twice a year to make sure the stones align correctly with the sun.

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    #2548
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 28, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    They can f*ck off if they think I'm putting my clock back today.

    F*cking daylight robbery!
     
    #2549
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 29, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, UTRs, Didley Squat and 3 others like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I don't agree with the new law on not smoking in a car with under 18's in it. Last week my kids got soaking wet in the rain while I was having a *** in the car.

    They were literally banging on the windows begging me to let them in, but as I explained to them, it's illegal.
     
    #2550
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 29, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    What's with this vajazzle stuff?

    In my day a c*nt covered in jewellery was called Mr T.
     
    #2551
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 29, 2017
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Who Doesn't ?....
     
    #2552
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, UTRs, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  13. Wherever

    Wherever Well-Known Member

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    Sandi
    Toksvig
     
    #2553
    Wherever, Oct 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #2554
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 30, 2017
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #2555
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, UTRs, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and live insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch.

    She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer. I'll pop back next year!
     
    #2556
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, UTRs, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I was in Toys R Us today when I noticed a really long queue. I asked a member of staff, "What's happening there mate?"

    He said, "That's the Barbie queue."

    Then like a dick, I stood in it for forty five minutes trying to get a burger.
     
    #2557
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, UTRs, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Apparently they're making a remake of the Never Ending Story.

    It starts with a Man asking a Woman how her day was......
     
    #2558
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, UTRs, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #2559
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2560
    kiwiqpr, Oct 31, 2017
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
Page 128 of 830
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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