The Ashes

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Biggus Diccus said:
And what the **** is REAL cricket?

Is that where they have low fat cream in their teabuns?
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Not joking Bib, most of the top class cricketers I watched were ****ing massive guys. The first time I padded up for a match I almost shat myself when the guy near took my ear off with a yorker.

It's ****ing dangerous, that ball is like a lump of red granite and it does not half move when it's coming towards you, try catching one too, stings like **** and is likely to break a finger.
 
Nobody’s perfect, you know what happened to the last man who was, they crucified him. – Geoff Boycott

Geoffrey is the only fellow I’ve met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since – Dennis Lillee

Have nothing to do with coaches. In fact, if you see one coming, go and hide behind the pavilion until he goes away – Bill O’Reilly

Cowans should remember what happened to Graham Dilley, who started out as a genuinely quick bowler. They started stuffing ‘line and length’ into his ear and now he has Dennis Lillee’s action with Denis Thatcher’s pace – Geoff Boycott

We don’t play this game for fun – Wilfred Rhodes

We didn’t have any metaphors in my day, we didn’t beat about the bush – Fred Trueman

The slow motion replay doesn’t show how fast that ball was – Richie Benaud

The Queens Park Oval, exactly as the name suggests, absolutely round. – Tony Cozier

Welcome to Worcester where we’ve just seen Barry Richards hit one of Basil D’Oliveira’s balls clean out of the ground – Brian Johnston.

Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee – Are you aware, Sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be put down.

So, how’s your wife and my kids? – Rod Marsh (to Botham)

You can’t have 11 Darren Gough’s in your side – it would drive you nuts. It would be like having 11 Phil Tufnells – Darren Gough

Merv Hughes 5[SUP]th[/SUP] form geography report;
When Merv leaves school he is going to have to be very good at cricket and football.

I’d have looked even faster in colour – Fred Trueman

I can’t really say I’m batting badly. I’m not batting long enough to be batting badly – Greg Chappell

Cricket civilises people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe. I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen – Robert Mugabe

There were congratulations and high sixes all round – Richie Benaud

Neil Harvey’s at slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle – Brian Johnston

What a magnificent shot. No, he’s out – Tony Greig
 
ERINBLACK said:
Im sure he is just like you and your "partner". ****s like you and Elton can make good parents? Are you and your partner adopting as well Stuart?
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No, I've already got four kids. Don't need any more. What with all the child support and trying to keep your ex-wife in a style she's not accustomed to, ie. having decent food, good sex etc., I've got enough on hands without adopting any more weans.
 
DevAdvocate said:
Nobody’s perfect, you know what happened to the last man who was, they crucified him. – Geoff Boycott

Geoffrey is the only fellow I’ve met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since – Dennis Lillee

Have nothing to do with coaches. In fact, if you see one coming, go and hide behind the pavilion until he goes away – Bill O’Reilly

Cowans should remember what happened to Graham Dilley, who started out as a genuinely quick bowler. They started stuffing ‘line and length’ into his ear and now he has Dennis Lillee’s action with Denis Thatcher’s pace – Geoff Boycott

We don’t play this game for fun – Wilfred Rhodes

We didn’t have any metaphors in my day, we didn’t beat about the bush – Fred Trueman

The slow motion replay doesn’t show how fast that ball was – Richie Benaud

The Queens Park Oval, exactly as the name suggests, absolutely round. – Tony Cozier

Welcome to Worcester where we’ve just seen Barry Richards hit one of Basil D’Oliveira’s balls clean out of the ground – Brian Johnston.

Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee – Are you aware, Sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be put down.

So, how’s your wife and my kids? – Rod Marsh (to Botham)

You can’t have 11 Darren Gough’s in your side – it would drive you nuts. It would be like having 11 Phil Tufnells – Darren Gough

Merv Hughes 5[SUP]th[/SUP] form geography report;
When Merv leaves school he is going to have to be very good at cricket and football.

I’d have looked even faster in colour – Fred Trueman

I can’t really say I’m batting badly. I’m not batting long enough to be batting badly – Greg Chappell

Cricket civilises people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe. I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen – Robert Mugabe

There were congratulations and high sixes all round – Richie Benaud

Neil Harvey’s at slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle – Brian Johnston

What a magnificent shot. No, he’s out – Tony Greig
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Can you imagine any of the male footballers coming out with crackers like this?

Bazza, "Aye, naw, magic so it was, it's the gemme, but, by the way, up yours ya fud"
 
StereoTypist said:
No, I've already got four kids. Don't need any more. What with all the child support and trying to keep your ex-wife in a style she's not accustomed to, ie. having decent food, good sex etc., I've got enough on hands without adopting any more weans.
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<laugh> Stealing my patter as well.

Four kids <laugh> Deluded as ****. You're so ****in funny it's untrue <laugh>
 
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