Swansea City on Tour - By PGF.

Make sure you get your royalties and name on the credits.

 

rep

 

And returned!!!

 

Will do never, I've got a role planned for you already...................

 

Swans 606 Trip to Malmo - Part 2
Dover 21:00 Saturday August 3rd.

The fight started just after we passed Reading.

The overseas contingent, led by Musty, demanded that we spend the night at The Blue Oyster Club in Reading. Dill confirmed that there was still an arrest warrant out for FFS after our last trip to Reading so we couldn’t go there. Things started to get a bit ugly with cans thrown and punches exchanged before Dill released the restraints on FFS.

The end result is that the overseas rebels are now sitting quietly near the back next to the “new recruits” to the Swans 606 Board.

FFS’s reward is that he is now in charge of the back of the bus. The New Recruits are start bollock naked, taped and gagged, as is taffthefish.

Taffthefish is this years guest from Kairdiff and he boarded the bus in a resplendent red blazer, white trousers, pencil moustache and greased back hair. How else do you think a man who tries to control John Spews would look? Ivor reckeoned he used to work at Barry Butlins.

He looks nervous as he, along with the New Recruits await FFS’s 606 initiation ceremony.

Others who have also boarded on our journey are Stereo, neveroffsideref and glamexile. With our driver now pi**ed, glam has taken over the driving as he has a good local knowledge of the area. Phil is trying to help with the directions.

PGF is sitting in the seat behind, arm in arm with glams dog, while Dill as usual is reading the Western Mail, drinking cans of Bass and farting profusley. Nothing changes.

Apart from the fight it has been a relatively quiet journey as we queue to catch our ferry at Dover.

NB: Terrorwit is 2-0 up in the Subbutteo Cricket World Series.
League Cup Winners 2013. Third Year in Premiership 2013/2014. Europa League 2013/2014. Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 03:48 PM #2 Ffsdon'tpassittohim


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Ready when you are ! .
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03/08/2013, 04:15 PM #3 Dilligaf
Get that chainsaw off the bus will you Jonny isn't on it Supporter of the 2013 Capital One Cup Winners Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 04:19 PM #4 glamexile
I have never played Subbutteo Cricket whilst driving a bus before - its not as easy as it sounds! Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 04:22 PM #5 Terrorwit
I have never played Subbutteo Cricket whilst driving a bus before - its not as easy as it sounds!
Stop making excuses I'm 2 - Nil up fair and square ya whingeing pom. Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 04:26 PM #6 neveroffsidereff
I hate to think what the hell FFS is going to do to the newbies!! "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 04:26 PM #7 glamexile

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If only we had bloody DRS!!!!!! Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 04:52 PM #8 Dilligaf


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I hate to think what the hell FFS is going to do to the newbies!!

It's what he does to himself that worries me Supporter of the 2013 Capital One Cup Winners Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:01 PM #9 ValleyGraduate12
You useless ****s, you've left me in fcuking Cardiff watching some stranger walking down the road with a couple of pencils shoved up his arse sideways
If I nick someone's car, might make the ferry on time Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:03 PM #10 mustyfrog


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awaiting the next episode with baited breath Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:05 PM #11 neveroffsidereff
FFS, were not sending the bus back to get you. Flag a bloody taxi down and get your skates on. Lucky the ferry's delayed for 2hrs, so you should just about make it. "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:08 PM #12 ValleyGraduate12



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hope they sell XXXX at the ferry terminal Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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Originally Posted by ValleyGraduate12

I didn't think Ferrari did taxis. Just hope it's Alonso driving and not Massa. "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:22 PM #15 neveroffsidereff

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hope they sell XXXX at the ferry terminal
Musty, plenty of hardcore porn mags at the ferry. But if you can wait, PGF might let us have a stop off in Holland. "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:25 PM #16 mustyfrog



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lol never, XXXX is a beer, local queensland brew Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:28 PM #17 neveroffsidereff
Originally Posted by mustyfrog
lol never, XXXX is a beer, local queensland brew
I know!!!!! Is it still brewed by Castlemaine? "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:33 PM #18 glamexile


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Ivor's just had a text from ML - he wants us to stop off in Eindhoven to have a look at a young striker. I suggest that Dilli has a look at him whilst the rest of us go to a bar - or did I get that the wrong way round Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:35 PM #19 ValleyGraduate12


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Originally Posted by neveroffsidereff
I didn't think Ferrari did taxis. Just hope it's Alonso driving and not Massa.
I bumped into Craig Bellamy and he accidentally connected with my head. He was so thoughtful he left his keys in the ignition for me Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:37 PM #20 Dilligaf

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Ivor's just had a text from ML - he wants us to stop off in Eindhoven to have a look at a young striker. I suggest that Dilli has a look at him whilst the rest of us go to a bar - or did I get that the wrong way round
Deffo wrong way around

 

yep, fark knows who owns it now, XXXX gold or Hahn light are good beers over here. Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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I bumped into Craig Bellamy and he accidentally connected with my head. He was so thoughtful he left his keys in the ignition for me
Oh, well thats OK then. Good result then. "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 05:43 PM #23 mustyfrog


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maybe he stole con fuses bicycle Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 06:15 PM #24 Dilligaf


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maybe he stole con fuses bicycle
I've already admitted that was me. It was pink with stabilisers and the letters JH written on the seat Supporter of the 2013 Capital One Cup Winners Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 06:17 PM #25 PGFWhite

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I've already admitted that was me. It was pink with stabilisers and the letters JH written on the seat
I wouldn't have thought JH had a seat on his bike
League Cup Winners 2013. Third Year in Premiership 2013/2014. Europa League 2013/2014. Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 06:30 PM #26 Dilligaf


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Originally Posted by Dilligaf
I've already admitted that was me. It was pink with stabilisers and the letters JH written on the seat
I wouldn't have thought JH had a seat on his bike

He did, it had a pink dildo strapped to it, which incidentally is their club badge for next season, they just don't know it yet Supporter of the 2013 Capital One Cup Winners Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 06:39 PM #27 PGFWhite



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He did, it had a pink dildo strapped to it, which incidentally is their club badge for next season, they just don't know it yet
This one? http://www.annsummers.com/p/average-...7dlhdas1022041
League Cup Winners 2013. Third Year in Premiership 2013/2014. Europa League 2013/2014. Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 06:41 PM #28 neveroffsidereff
This one? http://www.annsummers.com/p/average-...7dlhdas1022041
That looks like a lamp shade. "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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03/08/2013, 06:42 PM #29 PGFWhite
We'll have to call him Average Joe from now on!
League Cup Winners 2013. Third Year in Premiership 2013/2014. Europa League 2013/2014. Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 04:02 AM #30 mikraswan


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In lust we trust? Success is temporary - loyalty is forever... Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 07:13 AM #31 swimaway


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In lust we trust?
Any joy with a ticket for the Swans end yet Mikra? 'The skill, the flair, the fluency will lead us to where we’re bound,
And once again all Europe will hear the Swansea City sound’.

SWANSEA HASTA YO MUERA! ¿quiénes somos? Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 07:42 AM #32 mikraswan


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Yep, got my 4 tickets off the Swansea web-site, haven't started running to the mailbox yet; guess they won't get here until tue/wed.
But I'm really excited --> going to Malmø is always a bore (the wife goes shopping & kids screaming for ice cream, me I hang aroung smoking where allowed to).
But this one - is like when I was a child going to Mailmø on the hydrofoil:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EObvwv1o2g Success is temporary - loyalty is forever... Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 09:49 AM #33 Lauds Gendros Jack
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Your fuc--- left me with ffs hes to pissed to drive or get a taxi ha ha, meet you lot in dover musty have you got any xxxx beer save 1 for me Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 10:19 AM #34 swimaway


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Yep, got my 4 tickets off the Swansea web-site, haven't started running to the mailbox yet; guess they won't get here until tue/wed.
But I'm really excited --> going to Malmø is always a bore (the wife goes shopping & kids screaming for ice cream, me I hang aroung smoking where allowed to).
But this one - is like when I was a child going to Mailmø on the hydrofoil:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EObvwv1o2g
Happy days. Enjoy, you Jack Bastard 'The skill, the flair, the fluency will lead us to where we’re bound,
And once again all Europe will hear the Swansea City sound’.

SWANSEA HASTA YO MUERA! ¿quiénes somos? Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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mikraswan thanked for this post 04/08/2013, 04:25 PM #35 Billybjack
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pick me up on the way valley Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 05:19 PM #36 ValleyGraduate12


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pick me up on the way valley
Ran a few red lights. Better change cars.

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04/08/2013, 05:21 PM #37 neveroffsidereff

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You dumped the Ferrari for a fcuking Citroen Saxon. "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 05:23 PM #38 ValleyGraduate12


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Don't worry I have a plan Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 05:24 PM #39 neveroffsidereff


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Now I know FFS is a cool dude, but why's he doing this on Dover beach.?

"Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 05:28 PM #40 ValleyGraduate12


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**** they caught up with us, quick Billy throw her in the back of the car and run into the cop car.



At least we won't get stuck in traffic jams

 

You haven't kidnapped Minxy have you!!!! "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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04/08/2013, 09:12 PM #42 nicewelshlumberjack
I'm coming with Dai so we might be a bit late as we're goinf via Liverpool - Dai said he has a mate there who'd love to be in Europe so maybe it'll be three Barry Jones gave me my first football medal! Edit Post Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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05/08/2013, 03:37 AM #43 Billybjack
They have left their hand cuffs nee naw nee naw breaker one nine breaker one nine we have a convoy. Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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05/08/2013, 04:05 PM #44 neveroffsidereff
Come on Valley, the captain's about to weigh anchor. "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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05/08/2013, 04:11 PM #45 ValleyGraduate12
Weigh Anchor

We're already at sea. Billy it's your fault Reply Reply With Quote Blog this Post .
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05/08/2013, 04:14 PM #46 neveroffsidereff


Weigh Anchor

We're already at sea. Billy it's your fault
Thats you problem, you can't trust Billib the ba5tard!!!!!!!

 

Swans 606 Trip to Malmo - Part 3


The ferry had no longer left Dover and our crowd was attracting attention. The Card school had gone straight in the casino and Vetch immediately won 5000 euros after placing all his cash on black. Suddenly he has 35 friends.

SA9 took the glossy mag lads in search of an on board strip club, but having failed to find one offered £500 to Poshminx to do a turn. After thinking about it, she declined and the lads then turned their attention to random female passengers.

There was a bit of a mystery as to the whereabouts of FFS, taffthefish and the new recruits and Dill was starting to get worried. He arranged a search party of Dai, Valleygraduate, nicewelshlumberkack, pinball and billybjack to arrange a search of the ship – each taking a separate deck.

After a brief and fruitless search they report back to Dill in the bar who is now on his 17th pint. “No luck Dill. I think we may have to tell the skipper” said Dai. “Hold fire” said Dill “wait till we get closer to France”.

There was a bit of a scuffle on the top deck and the naval provost were called after Mr Gullible propositioned a smart mature lady. Unfortunately for him it was the Captains wife and he found himself hauled into a cell on the lower deck for the rest of the journey.

It wasn’t long before we approach the French coast and now Dill is very concerned. “Can I have another pint?” “Forget that” said Dai “what about FFS?”.

“We’d better take another look” grumbled Dill. He walked out onto the deck and suddenly heard a whimper. “FFS, is that you?” No reply. He heard the whimper again. He walked forwards and raised a canopy. To his amazement taffthefish and the new recruits were there looking panicked. They were still stark bullock naked and tied to the anchor, about to be cast in to the sea as we docked.

Dill raised the alarm and managed to get them freed, just as we docked. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, but there was still the problem that none of them had any clothes.

Some of the new recruits managed to get navy outfits from some of the crew, while taffthefish had to put up with a three quarter length dress from the captains wife. (He looked quite smart if the truth be known).

We bundled onto the bus. Mr Gullible and FFS were missing. Vetch had to go and pay 1000 euros to release Mr G from his cell, while we had to leave the port with FFS awol. He was Lost in France. We alerted Interpol.

Once in France we made rapid progress. We travelled through Gent and Antwerp and headed to our first overnight stop at a place called Munster, 20 miles north of Dortmund. We rolled into town and drove up the main street to look for our Travelodge.

We soon arrived and Dill went in to the hotel to check us all in. Five minutes later he got on the bus, ashen faced. I had never seen Dill like that so I knew something was up.

“Theres’s a bit of a problem with the accommodation lads. I booked 50 places in the Travelodge in Munster as we all agreed. But I’ve booked the Munster in ****.ing Ireland. Whats worse, all the local hotels are full”

There was uproar. Dill was chased off the bus and he headed into the local bar for refuge.

Things soon settled down after the initial panic and we had a brief committee meeting. There was only one thing for it. The driver would have to have a nights sleep (his accommodation had been arranged separately), while the rest of us would have to spend the night on the town in Munster, Germany.

So there we were. 49 blokes and Minxy on the loose in Munster. The new recruits in Navy gear and taffthefish in a fetching dress. This could be a long night.

NB. Terror is 4-3 up as Ivor makes a fightback. Phil has been called in to referee as things are starting to get too serious. Last edited by PGFWhite; 05/08/2013 at 09:49 PM.

Top one again PGF, you don't suppose FFS has run off with Minxy. Oh and I'm not bloody sharing with Dilli, did that last time and the bugger kept cuddling me. "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply With Quote .
I am getting concerned that my dog is getting a bit too friendly with taffthefish Reply With Quote .
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Top one again PGF, you don't suppose FFS has run off with Minxy. Oh and I'm not bloody sharing with Dilli, did that last time and the bugger kept cuddling me.

I'm sharing with Swim, he's on the same level as mentalness you see Supporter of the 2013 Capital One Cup Winners Reply With Quote .
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Ive heard neveroff gets very touchy during spooning Reply With Quote .
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Thankyou for dropping me off at Cardiff for me to go about my business Reply With Quote .
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Ive heard neveroff gets very touchy during spooning
Don't you start, I'm tiping off customs on the way back, you might get stripped serched.

Saying that why the hell wan't the stop of in Holland!!! they have the best evening's entertainment, and we could have checked out some new dancers for The Hinge!!!

Can we make a stop off on the way back??? "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply With Quote .
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I'm not going any further without FFS - Dai agrees with me so that probably means he's leaving right away. Hey Glam - was your dog just here or is that really a pretzel on the floor? Barry Jones gave me my first football medal! Reply With Quote .
Alright lads anyone fancy a Rissole? I was going to see if there were any spare seats and visited Rossi's before coming over to the bus, noticed the driver had left a luggage door open and decided to stow away 30th May 2011 - I Was There!!! Reply With Quote .
Don't shout it about having rissoles KDA, or you'll get mugged for them. "Swansea City to Infiniti and Beyond" Reply With Quote .
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Don't shout it about having rissoles KDA, or you'll get mugged for them.
I hope you realise what the word rissole in Swedish means

 

I just had the video camera returned after it got impounded at customs, so this is the tape from our night out.

[video=youtube;UZ-zAa01BlA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZ-zAa01BlA[/video]

 

'Swimaway, Adam Sandler as Happy Gilmore'........That alone made me laugh no end!.....................





Lumberjack hell of a read mate, you have a talent for story telling, but there's no way I could sit on Ffsdon, as he's too tidy a Jack, though sitting on Knackered would be no problem!.................

 

Just thought I'd enjoy a good read on a Snowy Covid day in Canada -
As they say

 

oh dear just saw this, going to wait until i get home from work to read it properly

 

Brilliant

 

John Hughes, wasnt he a tosser lol

 

He was of the highest order!!

 

tbh when the original story first came out I thought why Reading - after shivering my ass off for 2 hrs at Reading station waiting for the last train to Swansea 2 years ago I finally get it, I should have been looking for JH in the Blue Oyster Bar

 

Just where did PGF go , the last time I saw him was at the "infamous" Bristol away game two years ago .A thoroughly nice chap , a little mad but nice

 

I saw him at the West Brom game donkeys years ago.

 

He was picked on on another site and stopped posting - pity these are magical posts of the greatest time in our history - with many characters who didn't get along most of the time!! Miss the Hinge!

 

Ah the Mary Hinge, workers rights and the me too movement put paid to that.