When you gonna get you're arse over to gods country mate and suffer like the rest of us? Any plans to come over?
Once I've gone over and taught him how to drink like a bloke. No cocktail umbrellas in his VB stubbies is lesson 1.
Sort him out Di5co. Teach him how to use a knife and fork in polite company, pack his bag and put him on the flight back to civilisation. That'll be a night for us all to turn up for!