Sunderland fan hopes for miracle

I don't think Syd would be too fussed either way..

 

Have you got what it takes to support Newcastle, Sunderland or Man United? Answer these questions to find out.
I support my team because:
a) I live nearby
b) I live nearby, but wish I didn't
c) I long for European nights, Wembley finals, lots of media coverage and basically my local team is s***e.

Watching my team:
a) Has its ups and downs
b) is like having a Yo Yo
c) is great on my new TV

It's costly supporting my team because:
a) The board are greedy B****DS
b) I keep betting on us at the Ladbrokes' booth
c) Away shirts cost a bloody fortune these days

Since the Taylor Report on Safety at football:
a) The atmosphere has diminished
b) We're still playing crap
c) I've fixed a rope ladder to my bedroom window and bought a seatbelt for my armchair

To see some action in Europe next year:
a) we need to find a back door to go through
b) I've booked a Club Med holiday to Majorca
c) I'll be subscribing to Sky Sports

Paul Scholes:
a) is intensely ugly
b) will never sign for us in a million years
c) is on lots of posters on my bedroom wall

The sort of player who I'd like to see playing for us:
a) would give 100% every match
b) would never sign in a million years
c) will sign if he's paid enough

Football Violence:
a) is on the decline
b) is what I feel like at a quarter to five
c) is throwing your pizza box at the TV set.

Manchester is:
a) A stinking slum and thank God I don't live there
b) A stinking slum, but it's better than our city
c) A wonderful, beautiful place that I've never been to

A penalty is usually given:
a) All too frequently against us
b) for a handball or a foul
c) When one of our players falls over near the box

Your team narrowly loses the title to your deadliest rivals in a thriving final league game. Do you:
a) Say "Never mind, there's always next year"
b) Stone the players coach and cry your eyes out for the next three months
c) Start supporting your deadliest rivals

Your team wins the title. Do you:
a) Celebrate for a week or two then look forward to next season
b) Wake up. Of course it was all a dream.
c) Bore the pants off everyone with comparisons of the Brazil team of 1970

When I die:
a) my ashes will be scattered over our pitch
b) we still won't have won anything
c) nobody will care

Mainly A's - You support Newcastle United

Mainly B's - You support Sunderland

Mainly C's - We don't want to know!

 

yay, ****e jokes time.

what's orange and rhymes with a parrot?
a carrot.



what's brown and rhymes with snoop?











Dr Dre.

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The last one! Very good

 

whats green and square?


An orange in disguise!

 

Newastle, Sunderland, Boro supporter do an armed robbery and get arrested, and sent down for 20 years, The judge tells them they can take 1 item only to keep them occupied.

They turn up at the prison, the Prison Gaurd goes to the Newcastle supporter,

"So, what did you bring"

"A pack of cards"

"Why a pack of cards"

"Well. I can play patients, clock or normal, build a house, solve maths problems by counting the cards, and if i get really bored i can throw them in the bin from accross the room"

"Ok Great, in you go"

Next comes the Sunderland Supporter.

"What did you bring"

"Donimoes"

"Hmm why dominoes"

"I can play Dominoes with myself, Build a house, put them in a line and knock them over, use them for maths problems"

"Ok great, in you go then"

The boro supporter comes last.

"What did you bring"

"packet of tampax"

Prison gaurd trying not to laugh "Huh!!! what can you use those for"

"Well on the box, it says i can play all sports, water ski, jetski, bend, stretch, these will keep me occupied for bloody years"

 

that pic is class. Ive a truffle shuffle t shirt, i want an animated t shirt with that on it now!

 

A man with two left feet went to a shoe shop and asked for a pair of
Flip flips

 

If it wasn't a decent joke rehashed would've been good-like

You might hear this one on Saturday:

There again you might not

 

Bit out of order there mind, a 3 legged DOG joke

 

Police in Newcastle have arrested 3 of 4 well known geordie-Islamic terrorists. Bin Snort-in, Bin Deal-in and Bin Mugg-in, there is no sign of Bin Work-in

 

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

 

My wife said to me "You always want to have sex when you're drunk"
"that's not true!" Is said "sometimes, I want a kebab."

 

The wife was watching Twilight last night. She commented that the main male character was really sexy.

I am now aware that I made an error by telling her she was old enough to be his mother because I slept on the couch.

She's announced the start of a vegan diet this afternoon.

Hell hath no fury like a woman reminded of her age.

 

Been to the Doctors this afternoon. He says I'm suffering from Bulimia and spoonerisms.

I've never heard such a lack of pies.

 

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It's a cyclical thing

 

Wife says to her husband, "I'm sick of you never getting me anything nice for my birthday. So this year, get me exactly what I want or we're getting a divorce."

"Ok," the husband says. "What do you want."

She looks out of the window at the Citroen Saxo and says, "I want something that goes from 0-200 in less than 10 seconds."

She wakes up to find her husband gone, and a set of scales on the driveway...

 

I didn't realise how bad my dyslexic was until I turned up at a toga party dressed as a goat