Greetings all. I don't know when this is meant to go up, but up it is. Please pay careful attention to the facts presented in this document. Burnley. Some facts: Burnley was discovered in 1784 by Tim Berners-Lee, David Byrne and Christopher Lee. Weary after trekking north, the three intrepid adventurers were struck by the small town, with it's wattle and daub huts, satanic mills and speaking cattle. Charmed, they decided to name the town after themselves, and David Byrne later wrote the song "Road to Nowhere" about their journey to Burnley. Rather like Dorking, nobody in Britain is quite sure how to get to Burnley. In a recent Gallup poll, 98% of respondents said "well I'd get on the M1 and head north, hoping for the best". The other 2% said "Brexit means Brexit" and were later shot. Key Players and Staff: Renowned ventriloquist and latter-day Saint, Jay Rodriguez, currently plies his trade for Burnley, having found the town 3 months after driving to Manchester. Due to a childhood illness, Rodriguez was left unable to smile or, in fact, move his mouth at all, and found fame before becoming a footballer, performing with Orville the duck. Rodriguez and Orville, prior to his football career. Another Saint, Jack Cork, patrols the midfield, with the echoes of his father's instruction following him like a dark shadow around the field. Burnley also shocked the world by resurrecting Jimi Hendrix for a role on the right wing, and the players walk out to a new version of Purple Haze, inventively titled "Claret Fog". The Clarets, as I think they're known, are managed by Sean Dyche, which sounds remarkably like the original Bond announcing that he is about to take his turn playing Craps. Dyche is a perpetually scary red-headed monster, and was reputedly carved out of a granite hillside. The hardcore that remained after the process formed his vocal cords, leading to his unique voice which has been known to shift tectonic plates as far away as Brazil. Burnley manager, Sean Dyche Saints: We're dead good now, but historically rubbish against Burnley. In fact, we're winless against them in our last six premier league meetings, but don't worry, we'll f*****g smash them. Officials: I don't really give a monkeys, as long as it's not Kevin Friend or Jonathan Moss. Prediction: Southampton 1-0 Burnley
We haven't had a home game in so long, you guys have forgotten the new Positivity vibe Well SaintRichie hasn't. COYR
Southampton v Burnley Saturday 15th February 2020 12:30 Referee: Simon Hooper. Assistants: Simon Beck, Derek Eaton. Fourth official: Kevin Friend. VAR: Michael Oliver. Assistant VAR: Gary Beswick.
True. There was something miraculous about the way we bounced back from that, and in sport you have to believe in miracles. I still don't want to think about it though.
Yup. As horrible as it was in a twisted way I think we needed it. We were underperforming. Massive credit to Ralph for steadying the ship. Anyway, the match. We will win, cracking 1st half goals from Stephens and Ings. They will pile on pressure in the 2nd. Rodders will nick one.
I’m thinking about the driving rain. Meant to be going straight to Southampton for a friends birthday. I will be drenched. Hopefully the forecast improves.