The bloke in front of me in the library asked the librarian if they had the book on Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat. The librarian said, "It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it is here or not."
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that ‘Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.’ On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic-looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle. ‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.’ She calmly turned her head and said, ‘In my country, I am called a Princess, and I take orders from no one.’ To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, ‘Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, B****!’
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park…” then the electric power goes out. Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?” With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing. For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit. When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!!” Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!!” Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly–tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again. “There are no fish under the ice!!” Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, “Is that You, Lord?” The voice boomed back, “NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!”
