Something to really make you groan on this Friday Just heard a couple of blokes jeering in Quechua together..................... They must have been Inca hoots.
THE DEAF MAFIA BOOKKEEPER A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would therefore never have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is." The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money? Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.." The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says: f ** k you, you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
When our parents used to warn us the gypsies would take us away - they weren't joking! I see Roy Hodgson is in trouble again - he is reported to have called Kyle Walker a White Back!
A wish - sent to me by a Scottish friend, so no apologies for offending anyone. A man met a fairy today who said she would grant him one wish. "I want to live forever," he said. "Sorry," said the fairy, "but I am not allowed to grant that type of wish." "Fine," he said, "Then I want to die when Scotland qualifies for the World Cup." "You crafty rascal!" said the fairy.
Just saw this on twitter and it made me chuckle! "Swearing is unattractive but I'm not attractive anyway, so **** off!"
"Some say that swearing's not big and it's not clever - well i'm 6ft 4 and the professor of English at Manchester University and swear like a trooper so that rather effs that little theory doesn't it"
A timely warning before the w/e This is alarming! Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men: 1) Argued over nothing. 2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. 3) Gained weight. 4) Talked excessively without making sense. 5) Became overly emotional 6) Couldn't drive. 7) Failed to think rationally, and 8) Had to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary! Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer! Cheers!
I told my mum I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'I'll give you an audition but I'm not promising anything.'
Extract from a spam email which I have recently started to get giving daily retail news. Pairing mechanisms The Sun investigates some of the pairings bought up by Amazonâs Frequently Bought Together and Perfect Partner functions. It notes that people who buy rope are also offered erotic books, handcuffs and nipple clamps. While the website also suggests that someone purchasing a balaclava may like a baseball bat or bolt-cutters as well. Suggestions anyone?
Shamelessly pinched from another forum! I've tried to read Sir Alec Ferguson's new book, but every time I think I've finished it, Howard Webb adds another 6 pages!
