A group of Red Indians gathered around their Chief and asked if they were going to have a cold winter. Being a modern day Chief, and not aware of ancient secrets, the Chief had no idea. In order to save face however, he advised the tribe to gather wood and prepare for a cold winter. A few days later the Chief decides to seek some help from the National Weather Service, and was told by a meteorologist that “indeed they were expecting a cold winter.” The Chief then advised the tribe to gather even more wood. After a few weeks, the Chief felt like he should check in with the National Weather Service to make sure everything was on course, “Does it still look like a cold winter?” asked the Chief. “It sure does,” said the meteorologist, “in fact; it looks like a VERY cold winter ahead.” The Chief then advised the tribe to gather every piece of scrap wood in sight. Finally with winter right around the corner, the Chief checked in one more time. “Does it still look like a cold winter,” he asked. “You bet,” said the meteorologist, “in fact, we are expecting one of the coldest winters on record.” “Really,” said the Chief, “how can you be so sure?” “Because the Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy!” said the meteorologist.
In a village in Spain, under an olive tree, a couple of farmers were chatting. "You know, Miguel, my children have the Internet. They talk with people across the world. I know nothing of this Internet. I think I need to know how it all works." Miguel pointed across to a field and asked Puablo if that is his field, and his sheep. Puablo answered "yes they are my sheep." Miguel pointed to another field and asks are they your cows? Puablo answered "yes they are my cows" So Miguel asked Puablo how he would describe sheep **** and the how he would describe cow ****. Puablo gave a description, accurately based around size and texture. Miguel asked Puablo what his animals ate, and the answer in both cases was just grass. "So why is their **** so different?" asked Miguel, "I don't know," said Puablo, pondering as he spoke. "Well," Said Miguel, "If you know nothing at all about about ****, how are you ever going to be able to get to grips with the Internet?"
Men are just happier people What do you expect from such simplecreatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a waterpark. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to anotherpetrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think ofwhich way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £ 2000. Morning-suitrental £ 100. People never stare at your chest whenyou're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch ispractically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangleyour feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only onesuitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightestact of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he orshe can still be your friend. Your underwear is £ 4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more thanenough. You almost never have strap problems inpublic. You are unable to see wrinkles in yourclothes. Everything on your face stays itsoriginal colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years,maybe decades. You only have to shave your face andneck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one colourfor all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how yourlegs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerninggrowing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will calleach other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, theywill affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla andFour-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throwin £ 20, even though it's only for £ 32.50. ..........None of them will have anythingsmaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls gettheir bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay £ 2 for a £ 1 item he needs. A woman will pay £ 1 for a £ 2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush andtoothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in thetypical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identifymore than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is thebeginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when womenaren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets ahusband. A man never worries about the futureuntil he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wifecan spend. A successful woman is one who can findsuch a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but hedoesn't. A man marries a woman expecting thatshe won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water theplants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings andfunerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during thenight. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. ..........She knows about dentist appointments and romances, bestfriends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some shortpeople living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes.......There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Just for you Al, in case you have decided to go tonight! News just in....There's a female referee been appointed for the Leicester vs Watford match tonight. Under the sexual equality rules the FA has now embraced, the kick off has been put back an hour to alllow sufficient time for her to park her car. Negotiations by the clubs were able to reduce the delay originally proposed by by pointing out the failing light wouldn't enable her to perfect her nails and she would simply have to 'make do'.
This is so funny! http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=htt...QChtqdkAQAoDtW2S9zexntGPGtw4r2bsoqSIu1NAlybCQ
I've just watched it twice and I'm still crying. Why couldn't you have posted it during last nights commentary and brightened up the game!
This one is for H: http://lovedbdb.com/nudemenClock/index2.html Click anywhere in the clock and it becomes digital, another click and it returns to normal.
Saw this on FB, it made me giggle: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...2549451052983.143707.1155048368&type=1&ref=nf
