Some Fun For a Friday Afternoon

Scary, huh!

 

My parents are currently on the Eurostar, it seems my father got into conversation with a Brexity type and told him he was on his way to Paris on behalf of the UK government to renegotiate EU membership for the UK. Apparently the man is now on the phone angrily calling people.

Update from my mother: The man is currently trying to get through to his MP and being very loud about it, he has been asked to keep his voice down by another passenger. He has also demanded my father identify himself but my father has said it's an Official Secrets Act matter.

Update: Seems he has got through to his MP and is loudly telling him he has uncovered, "a secret remainer plot"

I have my father on speakerphone, I can hear the man shouting. They are pulling into Gare du Nord and he is again demanding my father's identity, fortunately my brother is there to collect them.

He's still talking to his MP and is saying he's going to be calling the Daily Telegraph next. Meanwhile the train has arrived and they are getting off.

Just spoke to my brother, they are walking to the car with train man still demanding identities. Apparently the first thing my mother said was, "Your father has done it again"

Fortuitously my brother had used his wife's new Range Rover to collect them and train man followed them all the way to the car-park whereupon seeing the car shouted, "We tax payers bought that"

They are now driving away. Train man spent five minutes filming them as they put luggage in the car while all the while saying, "This is going straight to the papers, do you hear me, straight to the papers" My father suggested he contact the British Embassy for a quote.

Parents now at my brother's house and they filled me in on more of the journey. My father had heard train man talking on his phone about Brexit at the start of the journey but he said the red trousers were another clear sign. He waited until train man was nearby and then said into his phone, "This has to be kept quiet, if those Brexit Party people here we are opening negotiations with the EU there will be hell to pay" Sure enough he fell for this hook line and sinker.

Train man immediately asked my father what he meant and despite my mother's whispered demands to remain silent my father said, "Look I can't say much about this but the UK government is exploring how we go about rejoining the EU, timescales, costs etc. I can't say any more"

It seems this had the desired effect and train man, in the words of my mother, "Quickly become very animated and rather red in the face" My father sensing his work was done then said, "I've said too much, the PM will not be happy if this leaks".

Then train man told them he had once been a UKIP local councillor so my father feigning shock said, "O Christ, you're the last people we need to know about this" and then refused to say anything more which naturally inflamed train man further and that was when he began making phone calls. He certainly called his MP and used his phone to take photos of my parents and bizarrely of my father's brief case that was on the rack above the seats.

When he again began asking questions my father said they were being collected by "a man from the embassy" and all enquiries would have to be directed to him.

Thanks to R S Archer, a resident in the Dordogne.

 

Love it!!!

 

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I've asked my wife to buy me the new GPS system for old people. Not only does it tell you where you are, it also tells you why you wanted to be there.

 

Some Aussie humour...

 

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"Where it all began. October 26th, 2001," account Birdsarentreal wrote on Instagram, underneath the compelling evidence above. "The day the deceitful and wicked Patriot Act was passed by congress. I can't watch these horrific videos in public, I tremble uncontrollably with rage. I sob. I can't keep quiet.

"After the government killed off the last real bird in 2001, they released the beta versions of the first prototype bird drones, as shown in these tapes. WHAT A COINCIDENCE that on October 27th, 2001, PEARL HARBOR happened. Yet no one seems to draw the correlation. Sheep.

"Call me misinformed, call me stupid, call me under-educated, I don't care. Just because I didn't go to 'high school' doesn't mean that I'm any less intelligent. I just haven't been brainwashed and institutionalized like you all. I know that I am #WOKE and one day you all will see."

Despite the obvious absurdity of the premise, the movement has a lot of supporters both online and offline. The rally, which took place in Springfield, Missouri, was attended by a large number of people, given that they were there to spread the word that birds are robots.

https://www.iflscience.com/editors-...uejex_mclUzKyFGNbV9SzX-fcSVJYDsN29QFyOM8kksEI

 

Apologies for the language in this, but it's too good not to share - I snorted my coffee watching it...

 

The CEO of Nescafe manage to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.


After receiving the Papal blessing, he whispers, "Your Holiness, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate £100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee.'

The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord. It must not be changed.”

"Well, says the Nescafe man, we anticipated your reluctance. For this reason we will increase our offer to £300 million."

"My son, it is impossible - for the prayer is the word of the Lord, and it must not be changed.

"Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer. We will donate £500 million - that's half a billion pounds - to the great Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee. Please consider it.” And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals."There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news. The good news is that the Church is about to come into £500 million."

"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.


“We're losing the Hovis bread account!"

 

I love this video - six years on and it still cracks me up...