Some Fun For a Friday Afternoon

Oh god - we need a new goakeeper or two and I have a sinking feeling...

 

Boris has appointed his new £100k per annum TV stand-in...

 

Yesterday, we played football on a pitch which had a surface of compacted rubble and broken bricks.

Tough game, lots of injuries, but we won 3-1 on aggregate.

 

Looks sunny outside, want to go to park, so I checked with Google Assistant:
"Surely it's not going to rain today?”
“It’s unlikely, and don't call me Shirley."
I’d left my phone on Airplane mode...

 

Sometimes Spitting Image take the caricature a bit too far and it becomes simply too grotesque to be believable.

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Why didn't we think of this in 2008?

 

I would save that sort of thing for the single brain cell posters on the Premier League board
I could not believe the nasty comments from some members there, the worst being the so called moderators
There was also a QPR supporter who prayed every night that we would go down, best way to deal with him would to do the double over them

 

Glad to know that my wife isn't a feminist...

 

ditto Bolton but these people walk amongst us.

 

Sadly true...

 

How can any sane person relate a fart to rape
What on earth fills their tiny brains while they desperately think of something else to moan about
Time to wake up and drink the coffee, it is not men that are their greatest threat but the new global super power called Transgender

 

HARD WORK PAYS...


Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walked to the corner where a shoe shine is always located.

He would sit on the couch and examine the Wall Street Journal while the shoe shine gave his shoes a shiny, excellent look.

One morning the shoe shine asked the Executive Director: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?"

The Director arrogantly asked him: "Why are you, a mre shoeshine, so interested in that topic?

"I have a million dollars in your bank," the shoeshine replied, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."

"What's your name?" asked the Director. "John Smith H." came the reply.

The Director arrived at the bank and asked the Manager of the Customer Department: "Do we have a client named John Smith H.?"

"Certainly", answered the Customer Service Manager. "He is a highly esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account."

The Director went back out to the shoeshine, and said: "Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we will have something to learn from you."

At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the board members: "We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner, but Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him. Mr. Smith began his story:

"I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and ointments in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while cleaning their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place. Then three months ago, my sister, who was a prostitute in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars."

And that is why banks have been screwing their customers ever since...

 

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I see the fan is still clean, but not sure about the whip round.

 

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Pretty good for a kindergarten class.

 

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From 2013 - I wonder if they ever managed to remove the stick...

 

Alcoholic Lucozade?