The one where the guy scored with his bum reminds me of Terry Garbett claiming a goal at Hartlepool - a Monday night match during Div 3 promotion season. He was on the edge of the six yard box facing away from the goal when a wild clearance bounced off his bum - the ball was going wide until it hit another defender and deflected into the net. TG was confused about what had happened, hadn't seen the deflection and by the time he turned around the ball was in the net - he ran off upfield claiming it & was a little miffed when told what had actually happened. He was a lot more miffed when we lost the game 2-1...
Well. I guess that leaves me firmly in the ranks of the lower classes - not having a toilet in my kitchen, nor a posh looking twat with a pink tie...
Unless that’s an assistant of his logging in using his passwords... Oh, no, that’s bollocks, isn’t it? Yep, that’s Damien Green all right. Dirty bastard. By the way, this is Hoodscreen 1.0, I think Hoodscreen 2.0 has only one arm.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. Ford got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. Now Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. So they haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. Andthat is why, to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls……………
Inside every man, there's a boy struggling to get out - this one appears to have successfully managed just that...
The rain was pouring down. Standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water. A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?" "Fishing." replied the old man. Feeling sorry for the old man, the passer-by said, "Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me." In the warmth of the pub, as they sipped their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a smart ass, couldn't resist asking, "So how many have you caught today?" "You're the eighth." said the old man.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired & fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth & she in the lower. At 1am, the man leaned down & gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am,I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket as I'm awfully cold..?' 'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight let's pretend that we're married.' 'Wow!.................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed. 'Good,' she replied. ..............'Go get your own effin' blanket' After a moment of silence, he farted then fell asleep.