Need a laugh on a wet Monday morning? Video of BBC director Fergus Beeley going absolutely mental in a road rage incident - “You’re under citizen’s arrest. Put your hands on the car and get ready to die!” - classic Basil Fawlty. http://www.news.com.au/technology/o...t/news-story/0d3737c4f0fe1bf47de23171bc99cce9 And it didn't take some wag long to doctor his IMDb page.
I guess I must have Scottish ancestry, or maybe it's the amount of single malt I consume! <hic> <parp>
Joke for the day... While golfing, a senior gentleman accidentally overturned his golf cart late one afternoon. A very attractive, young, female golfer, who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you OK?" "I’m OK, thanks," he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart. She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I’ll help you get the cart up later." The old guy noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure. "That’s mighty nice of you," he answered, "but I don’t think my wife would like it." "Oh, come on now!" she insisted. She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive. He was weak. "Well, OK," he finally agreed. After a couple of Scotch and sodas, he thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d better go now." "Don’t be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open. "Stay for a while. Your wife won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?" He replied, "Still under the cart, I suppose."
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the Race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The bishop was buried the next day.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-07-...bitten-by-boa-constrictor/8758666?pfmredir=sm I guess I wouldn't find this funny if it were me making the call, but.... "Help, please. I have a boa constrictor stuck to my face" must surely rank as one of the craziest emergency calls ever.
A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that? I just ordered champagne too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I'm celebrating.' This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.' 'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added: 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 'What a coincidence!' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.' 'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I used a different cock,' he replied. The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said ‘What a coincidence!'
A plane leaves JFK airport under the control of a Jewish Captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish Captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese..." "No rike Chinese?" asks the co-pilot, "Why not?" "You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why." "No, no", the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." "Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese. Doesn't matter, you're all alike." There's a few minutes of silence ... "I no rike Jews", the co-pilot suddenly announces. "Oh yeah, why not?" asks the captain. "Jews sink Titanic," says the co-pilot. "What? That's insane. Jews didn't sink the Titanic," exclaims the captain, "It was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , no mattah ... all frucking same."
Someone's made a beeb at the boob!! Beeb makes a boob Woman's breasts accidentally shown on screen behind Sophie Raworth on News at Ten