THIS IS TRUE This morning, I was on the bus and there were 2 ladies in front of me talking and I wasn't really taking in any of what they were saying until one of them said "my rigor mortis has come back". The other one was either too polite to say anything, or didn't know what rigor mortis is, as she didn't say anything.
My wife asked me to pay for a boob job to make hers a bit bigger. I replied that she should just rub each boob with toilet paper each day. She asked how that would make them bigger, I replied "well it worked on your arse"!
Todays Alternative Headlines McDougall’s get Gold at Chelsea Flour Show Taliban appoint new drone target Cameron: 'Brexit will cause bigger, blacker, hairier house spiders.’ Clairvoyant deer hunter's rifle fitted with hind sight
Witnessed totally disgusting behaviour on the beach at Weston super-mare today. A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the head and it all kicked off between them. The police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it. Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages as the man shouted 'That's the way to do it'!!
