God you lot are on fire today! Sod Live at the Appollo .... More like .... Live on NOT606 for one night only!
I'm sick of double standards. My girlfriend buys a "rampant rabbit with attachments" and she's seen as a "naughty girl with a new toy". I order a "240 volt delux fistmaster 5000 latex revolving pussy with realistic elasticated anus, imitation **** dribble, semen collection tray and built in authentic sadistic rape sound system" and apparently I'm some sort of sexual deviant!
Just got sent this email My teenage son told me that he had sex with the neighbour's daughter last night for the first time. "Well done, son," I said, "I hope you used something though?" He replied, "Yeah,a balaclava and a knife!" ÷There were no survivors from that recent Pakistani Airlines plane that crashed, killing all 152 people on board. Both families are devastated. ÷Experts are worried about President Obama's mental state after he pledged millions of dollars of aid to Northern Ireland , following the tragedy of Hurricane Higgins. ÷Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight." His wife asked, "What is that?" Paddy told her, "You bend over,put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!" His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!" ÷I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get my testicles checked out. While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination." I said, "I haven‘t got an erection!" She replied, "No, but I have!" ÷A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won't take it so she says, "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here." The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!" And my favourite.............. ÷Why do Cadbury's make white chocolate buttons? So that black kids can have messy faces as well!
A woman in hospital is having a baby. After the baby is born, the doctor picks it up, and bashes its head against the delivery table. Then he throws the baby on the floor and steps on it. The mother is horrified, "What the hell are you dong to my baby?" "April fool," says the doctor, "It was still born."
Sorry to hear about the rubbish day Pete. Glad these outrageous jokes cheered you up. Some folk on 606 didn't like them Moaning bastards.
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says '**** off, you won't bring it back'
you get people like that thou.. lol got one here for you all....not as funny as some above but funny, got it from my nephew a few days ago, A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend. 'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.
What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann? The Pope died a virgin. http://www.toytowngermany.com/forum/uploads/post-16-1189932787.gif
I said to the wife, 'You've got to admit that's a bit weird love' 'What?' She replied, '... I'm not the first person to breastfeed an eight year old boy!' 'No.... But I bet you're the only one who lets him finger you at the same time.' Madeleine McCann's kidnappers have now had her for longer than the parents did. Lets be honest, they're better parents. No one has seen her, never mind lost her.
Not rude, but my favourite for a couple of years... Two guys decide to go to the leisure centre, one's got an almighty stammer, the other's got water on the brain. First they decide to have a swim. They splash around for a few minutes, do a few lengths and a couple of dives, then get a bit cold so decide to warm up a bit. Th..thaa.... th.... thaaa.... thh.....that was ll...lo......lo....ll.....lovely mmm....mm....mmaa....mate wasn't t...t..ttt.. it? His friend nods his head in agreement then points over to the sauna with his head and lifts his eyebrow questioningly. All...allri...allrii....alright m..m...mate his friend says. So they sit in the sauna for a few minutes and the chap with the stammer turns to hs friend and says. C..c..ccoorrr!! it...it.sss...itsss. Bll....b...blo.....blody....bloody h...ho....h....hot inere ain't it mate? To which his friend turns round and says Click
