Shíte patter

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Jip Jaap Stam, Dec 25, 2017.

  1. Jip Jaap Stam

    Jip Jaap Stam General Chat Moderator
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    Thanks to Iain, who inspired me with the following example of shíte patter:

    A man is cutting a lawn
    NEIGHBOUR - Are you gonna cut mine while you're at it? Hahaha!

    Here are some of my favourites:

    A man discusses walking his big and/or boisterous dog - Well, he takes ME for walk, really! Hahaha!

    You're out in the rain
    OLD MAN - Good weather for ducks! Hahaha!

    Two family members discussing a baby's first Christmas
    RELATIVE - So did little _____ get a lot of presents?
    FATHER - Yeah, she had more fun playing with the boxes, though! Hahaha!

    Daily occurrence in a call centre
    STAFF - That's all sorted for you. Anything else I can help you with?
    CUSTOMER - Yeah, the six winning numbers for Saturday's lottery, please! Hahaha!

    Feel free to add your own <ok>
     
    #1
  2. DevAdvocate

    DevAdvocate Gigging bassist

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    Q: Do you want sugar with your tea/coffee
    A: No thanks, i'm sweet enough.

    **** off
     
    #2
  3. Jip Jaap Stam

    Jip Jaap Stam General Chat Moderator
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    Classic ****e-pattery there, Dev <ok>
     
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  4. Tina.

    Tina. Well-Known Member

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    Hello darlin where have you been all my life?

    Avoiding arseholes like you, dick.

    True story.
     
    #4
  5. Jip Jaap Stam

    Jip Jaap Stam General Chat Moderator
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    All chat-up lines are ****e. Especially Gambol's.
     
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  6. A.L.D.O 4.1

    A.L.D.O 4.1 1 of the top defendants in Europe

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    I'm sorry i'm sorry don't hit me again i won't do it again.

    Ah ha ha how many times have you heard that ****e?
     
    #6
  7. Tina.

    Tina. Well-Known Member

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    You’re a very bad man <laugh>
     
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  8. B-C

    B-C Well-Known Member

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    Del boy fallin through the bar.
     
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  9. DevAdvocate

    DevAdvocate Gigging bassist

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    Q: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

    A: Unfertilised
     
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  10. Fridge Magnet

    Fridge Magnet Well-Known Member

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    Me: Sod off, Roy Keane.

    Roy Keane: I'm gonna kick your **** off and feed it to my hounds, ya fecker.
     
    #10
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  11. Mick O'Toon

    Mick O'Toon Well-Known Member

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    :huh:
     
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  12. RebelBhoy

    RebelBhoy Moderator
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    Had a fight with a lawnmower?
     
    #12
  13. bayernkenny

    bayernkenny Well-Known Member

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    'Yank' tourist ootside Waverley Station: "Where's the nearest boozer?"

    Me: "You're f****n' lookin' at him chum!"
     
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  14. Strange Nipples ST

    Strange Nipples ST Well-Known Member

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  15. DUNCAN DONUTS

    DUNCAN DONUTS SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR

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    Yanks don't say boozer.
     
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  16. thefanwithnoname

    thefanwithnoname Well-Known Member

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  17. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    Battle Cruiser then <ok>
     
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  18. What's the time? Time you got a watch.
    How are you? Can't complain - and even if I did no one would listen.
    Who do you support? Oh well, someone has to I suppose.
    He'd be late for his own funeral.
     
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  19. A.L.D.O 4.1

    A.L.D.O 4.1 1 of the top defendants in Europe

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    Do you have a match mate?

    Aye your arse and my face llf

    Naw hoad on, that's no right, och!
     
    #19
  20. Mick O'Toon

    Mick O'Toon Well-Known Member

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    ****e bookies patter;
    I did straight forecast 421
    214 came in **** off

    How did your horse do?
    Still running haha

    If it didn't hit that last fence etc

    ****ing eejit missed a peno cost me a grand

    No one wants to hear ****e in the bookies,we all have our own sad stories and keep them to yourself thank you very much.
     
    #20

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