Saints host world's first bio-banded tournament

You can't even play conkers now.

 

Cupboard full of vinegar I don't know what to do with? Heart set on my son being district conker champion and now I'm stuffed

 

Just as well. That much vinegar makes you the conkers equivalent of Lance Armstrong.

 

Only if we're caught! My son has his fake tears speech all lined up for Oprah.