Act 3 scene 1 of the movie, "I've just been for my regular morning swim and I decide to attack the day, the principality of Monaco doesn't know what's about to hit it".....
I remember spending a lovely afternoon on Teesside with those gentlemen ... ... the locals didn't seem too welcoming though
I can only assume KLD knows who is coming in and is aware they will be onside with him so why shell out unnecessary cash. CM and KLD seem to get on well.
I still reckon Smug is actually who Alfred Pennyworth, Batman's butler, is based on... So Jeremy Irons, Andy Serkis or Sean Pertwee for the role?
Actually, having seen Smugs photo in the Wembley thread I was a bit shocked to find a picture of Alfred from a Batman graphic novel (Batman: Earth One by Gary Frank) that does look a bit like him! (without the walking cane)
I've always seen you as looking like the gamekeeper-type. Tweed and Hunter wellies and carrying a shepherd's crook or a sawn off shotgun
Sky sports football 8:30 Sheff Wed v Sunderland play off semi highlights. 10pm the play off final v Wycombe. Just for information.
So ... I'm doing a one night bodyguard/chauffeur job for Jacques Villeneuve who'd flown into Nice for a function at Jimmy'z night club in Monte Carlo. It's to meet his sponsors, team and personal, and thank them etc. Villeneuve is supposed to live in Monaco, for tax reasons, but doesn't and, in reality, no one does. People pretend to but it's not a real place where you can live a normal life. So he flew in, I picked him up in the company limo and drove to his apartment so he can change and shower. Then, when everyone is assembled, we drive down, pull up as close as possible and the concierge takes the keys for the limo. As we walk down the red carpet there are crowds either side of the waist high barriers asking for autographs and selfies. Villeneuve is really cool and spends time chatting with the fans but the organisers are anxious to get him inside and giving me 'time out' signals. So I put my hand on his shoulder and suggest we should be thinking about his sponsors who've flown in to meet him. He's very compliant and starts walking towards the entrance but the paparazzi are there firing off photos so we have to put the brakes on. The fans take their chance and move in which I don't like so I put my hand in the middle of his back and 'help him inside'. I go to follow him but I can't move ... wtf. For a moment my brain can't catch up but then I realise someone has hold of my suit jacket. With all the fans and press shouting it's a few seconds before I can get what this idiot is saying, plus it's all in French. He's smartly dressed so I can't just elbow him out of the way in case he's important. But it turns out he's a fan and furious that he hasn't been able to get a selfie. So I tell him we'll catch him on the way out but he's absolutely frothing. By now Villeneuve is inside and I'm supposed to be close protection ... not good, at all. So I pull forward but Nobby is still clinging on and I'm dragging him behind me. I give it one last try to reason with him whereupon he raises his free hand. I'm out of options now so I clip him on his chin just enough to put him to sleep then get inside asap feeling quite pleased with myself. Thirty minutes later I'm face down on the dance floor with four Monaco coppers on top of me. I'm locked up in Monaco prison, near the Palace, which to be fair, is pretty funky. My cell has a well stocked bookshelf, comfy bed and TV. To this day I'm convinced I watched the England v Scotland International at Wembley but perhaps my mind is playing tricks ... it was quite a wild time so details are hazy. Two days later I'm up in a magnificent court, next door to the Cathedral where Princess Grace is interned. Turns out the complainant is a born and bred Monegasque solicitor who's in court looking like Mr Bean. As a chunky English bloke, who's been in the same clothes for three days, and a guest of the Principality I don't have a prayer. I'm quickly found guilty of an unprovoked attack, fined ten thousand Francs and 'banned from all territories of Monaco including their waters'. Champion! So I'm now unable to do the World Music Awards, the F1, Red Cross Ball, Monte-Carlo Masters, etc ... ... cost me a bundle and knocked me down the list with my agency. Could've been worse though. The bloke in the next cell was French, from Lyon, and had been given 6 months for wearing shorts and flip-flops in the Casino Square
